The Daily Struggle

2009-07-29T18:53:00.002-05:00

Well, I suppose I'll stop with the promises to post more regularly since it doesn't seem to be happening! Life is too busy and the internet access at home still has not been taken care of. To top it off, our lower level flooded last month when we had some heavy heavy rains in our area and we're just finally completing all the repair work that needed to be done. All that's left now is painting and we'll have our house back to normal.

Griffin is now 4 months old and is almost 17lbs! Time is passing so quickly and each new milestone he reaches is bittersweet. While it's thrilling to watch his first smiles and laughs it is also sad knowing that this is the last time I'll see one of my children do those things. He is a pretty good little guy although he is NOT a napper which is something new for me. Some days he gets by on a 1/2 hour nap in the morning and a 15 to 20 minute cat nap in the afternoon and THAT IS IT!! That's a bad day of course, but a good day means he gets maybe 2 hours in total of nap time. Seriously??? He's a baby...they are supposed to sleep A LOT! I kept thinking it was a phase, he's having a growth spurt etc. But, I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that he's just a kid who doesn't need much sleep. So....as you can imagine, he takes up most of my time (along with the other two) so there's not much free time for me at all.

Speaking of free time, it's about up! Hopefully, I'll update again soon.

Keepin' On

2009-06-04T13:58:00.001-05:00

Still here! Just checking in! All is well on the homefront. Griffin is already a two and half month old 13lb meatloaf and the cutest baby ever! Trust me when I say I'll be back here with more regular posts!

6 Weeks

2009-05-06T13:53:00.002-05:00

It's been two months since I've had regular internet access and boy does it suck. I feel slightly guiltly that every time I'm over at my Mom's house (like now), I disappear into her basement to use the computer for as long as I can. Well, only slightly guilty.

Griffin is 6 weeks old now and quite the little meatball. When he was 4 weeks old he weighed 11 1/2lbs. I'm not sure where he's at now but he loves to eat! My older boys have adjusted really well. Since my time is limited, I'll leave you with a newer picture and the promise of a longer post one day in the future.

First Photo

2009-04-17T15:01:00.003-05:00

Hello all. Things are going well here. Griffin had his first photo shoot today and he did really well. So well that I emptied out the bank account buying pictures. I suppose it would have been better if he'd been fussy and he'd only managed to get one good shot in. Oh well, I can certainly show him off now! I'm going to do my best to post a photo here. Not one of the professional ones, but one of him on the day he was born. He's alot less puffy in the face now but I don't have another current picture uploaded yet. Hopefully I'll get to that one day too!

He's Here!

2009-04-10T15:34:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, but as I mentioned before now that I'm not working I don't have internet access. I'm hoping to change that in the next couple of months, but for now I'm a scavenger for the internet! I'm visiting my mom now, so here I am.

Griffin Wal.ker L.ane arrived at 11:11am on March 24, 2009. He was 9lbs 6oz, 20 1/2 inches long. He's got a ton of dark hair and looks alot like his oldest brother. The delivery was actually really rough, for a scheduled c-section. I lost 3 litres of blood before he was even born. My husband said the puddle of blood on the floor just about reached his shoes where he was sitting at my head. Thankfully I didn't really realize what was going on until later, but I found it very strange that I was so incredibly tired and really just wanted to go to sleep during the surgery. Even when I saw Griffin for the first time I was so out of it I wasn't really paying attention. I didn't get to see him again for about 5 hours because I had to go to the surgical post op ward rather than the Maternity recovery ward. I was on stand by for a blood transfusion for the next two days and was monitored so closely it just about drove me crazy! I didn't end up getting the transfusion but I certainly am still feeling the effects of losing so much blood. I have no energy and have to rest after doing the simplest things. My husband has been waiting on me hand and foot though, so I've been able to get lots of sitting around time.

Griffin is just beautiful and for the most part is a pretty good baby. He has bad nights and good nights but I can't complain at all. His brothers (especially my oldest) are thrilled that he's a boy an are really in love with him. I thought they might have jealously issues but so far they have adjusted really well.

That's all I have time for right now, and like I said, I hope to be able to post regularly soon!

38 Weeks

2009-03-18T11:58:00.003-05:00

Just checking in! I'm here and still pregnant, which is a good thing. My c-section is date is zooming up VERY quickly and I'll get to meet my new little man in six short days! I've been enjoying (finally) being off work, but I've been very busy getting the house ready. So busy that I've been super exhausted...just like when I was working! I'm big as a house and waddling around like a typical 9 months pregnant walrus! I only have a few minutes, but I wanted to stop in....I'm pretty sure my next update won't be until after the baby comes and I'm home from the hospital. Don't forget about me!

3 weeks minus 1 day

2009-03-04T08:50:00.002-06:00

I am going to have a baby very very soon. I think reality has hit home!! I had my pre-admissions appointment at the hospital yesterday, things are really moving quickly now! My surgery is scheduled for 10:00am on the 24th of March. I have to be at the hospital at 8:00am which is nicer than last time when I had to be there at 5:00am. However, I'm already thinking about how hungry I will be by the time surgery rolls around! I know, major surgery and I'm worried about being hungry?! lol!!

The bed got completely finished this weekend, I chose to use this stain/poly... something or other. Basically, the wood gets stained and it also gets a smooth glossy finish. We put on three coats and it looks pretty good. There's definately some imperfections in the wood that could have used some more sanding before we did the finish, but I think it looks really great for a first time job. We spent the day on Sunday moving our younger son into our older son's room which was ALOT of work...more than I expected actually. As a result, I spent most of the evening having contractions while simultaneously nodding off on the couch! I definately did too much, but that was the biggest project that needed to get done. The little guy has adjusted really well and I have to say I'm pretty surprised because I thought it would take quite awhile to get him adjusted. I am SO relieved! Now the baby's new room is completely empty and clean, the crib will be put together in the next couple days, the dresser arrives on Monday and I've started going through storage bins and washing things getting them ready to be put away. I'm feeling less stressed and more excited about things to come.

The BEST news is that this is my last week of work...and it's already Wednesday!! I have an appointment tomorrow morning, so once I get through today I only have to make it through another day and a half! Bliss! Of course, once I'm off work my computer access will be sporadic since I don't have internet at home, but I'll keep in touch as much as I can!

Eating Crow

2009-02-25T08:41:00.003-06:00

The bed building is basically finished. I guess I have to hang my head in shame because it looks really great. Fantastic actually. I did have to put my foot down and get my husband to shorten the legs by 4 inches (I wanted 6, he agreed to 4) because the darn thing is SO tall! It's way over my head...I had to demonstrate just how impossible it will be for me to change the darn sheets if I can't even reach the top of the mattress! It just needs to be painted or stained or whatever. Can you tell I really have no idea how I want to finish it? I'm heading over the building centre today to pick something up. I'm leaning towards a tinted varnish type deal. Over the next couple of days we'll get that done, then this weekend is moving day! My husband just has to put another rod in the closet, then we'll move all of my younger sons clothes into there, move his dresser down and figure out where we'll stash the toys from his room. THEN, finally I will be able to get the crib set up and start preparing the baby's room. What a relief that will be!! I ordered a new dresser for the baby and of course it's not going to be available for pick up until March 9th....exactly 2 weeks before the baby will arrive. But, at least I have a space to stash everything now that the room will be empty and I can get all the clothes and blankets and stuff washed and ready.

I now officially have 7 work days left. (today is #7!) I finally feel like it's manageable, like I'll make it until the end. For so long I've been worried that physically I just wouldn't be able to make it and would have to suddenly change my last day leaving everyone in the lurch, but now I feel like I'll make it.

Winners & Losers

2009-02-20T09:10:00.003-06:00

One of my co-workers just won a trip to Mexico on the radio. She's through the ROOF hysterical about it and I'm so jealous! Of course, I moan about how I never win anything but I never actually try to enter those types of contents because "I'll never win" of course! Maybe I should start trying!

I'm getting very worried about my maternity leave benefits, wondering if I'm going to be getting enough money while I'm off. Basically, I get a year's leave paid at 55% of my wages, which is fantastic. However, last time I went on maternity leave I was working full time and now I'm only part time. I know the bare minimum of what I need to make in order for us to get by and it's pretty much the amount of my cheques for my last leave. My salary is slightly higher now, but my hours are so much less.

My husband has finally started to build the loft bed for my older son. It irritates me that we went to the building centre together to look at lumber and what type of wood we wanted to get and we also had a big discussion of what I wanted the bed to look like. I even printed pictures off the internet as an example. He's now completely changed the plan without going over it with me. He constantly does this....we discuss together, come up with a game plan that we both agree on and then changes it completely. Grrr. I'm worried the bed is going to look like a big, bulky homemade chunk of lumber! I hope the result is different than what I'm picturing in my mind!

Can I Make It?

2009-02-13T10:43:00.002-06:00

I did NOT have to take my kids to the monster truck show!! Woo Hoo! My husband got off work just in time so off they went. I was very glad! I spent my suddenly free evening having a supper of a greasy fast food burger and was in bed by 9:30. Rockin huh? It was bliss!

Once I get through today I will have 3 weeks left of work. It seems obtainable, the end is near, but each and every morning I wonder how on earth I'm going to make it three more weeks! Every morning I haul myself out of bed and get myself made up and dressed and the whole time I'm sweating and breathless at the effort it takes. Yuck. I will be SO glad when it's over!

This weekend is Valentine's Day which we traditionally do nothing for. It's okay with me really, but of course I would love it is my husband would surprise me with flowers or something. Actually, earlier this week we spent the day together alone which was nice. I took the day off work to go with him to a doctors appointment in a different city. One son was at school and the other was at daycare. He had to go see a Neurosurgeon because of herniated discs in his back. (I went with him so I could directly hear what the doctor had to say...is it just my husband who is completely unable to communicate information from a third party?). Anyway, all is well, he doesn't need surgery, there's no nerve damage or degeneration so if he works hard at his Physiotherapy the problem can still heal itself. Once that was over, he took me out for a nice lunch, which really was a pre-Valentine's "date". The rest of day we spent running errands, which was exhausting but was nice not having the kids along. We bought a new shelving unit for the boys room once we finally have them combined into the same space, and priced out wood for the loft bed that my husband is building for my older son. We got all that done and my husband made some kind of comment about being "finished" with the baby stuff. I was all "are you crazy?! We've done nothing!" I reminded him we still need to buy a dresser, move the boys, dig through all the baby clothes get the baby's room set up and on and on and on. He said once the dresser is purchased isn't the rest of that "my job"?! RIGHT.

Anyhow, not much planned for this weekend which I'm happy about. I'm hoping I can get a nap in there somewhere!

Walrus-Like

2009-02-06T12:00:00.002-06:00

I am beginning to think I know what a walrus must feel like. The huge roundness, the rolling waddling movements, the urge to just lay there. Yuck. I can feel myself swaying from side to side when I'm walking but I can't correct it! It takes all my strength, everything I have just to roll over in bed at night. I'm SO uncomfortable, yet (still) so not ready to have a baby. No change in the non-nesting instinct. I think I just don't have it.

The end of today will change my countdown to being off work to 4 weeks to go. Every day feels like torture, I wish it was only 4 days to go. I'm training a new employee, and basically right now she sits at my desk and does my work and I tell her what to do and watch her. EXCRUTIATING! BORING! I can't stand it. The days feel about 15 hours long, I just want to be done with it already. At least she's a very nice, smart girl, not dumb and annoying or anything.

I may have to take my two boys to a monster truck event at our arena on Saturday night. Just me and the boys. We had purchased the tickets for my husband to take them, but now he has to work and there is only a very slim chance that he'll be home in time to take them himself. A monster truck show is the very very last place I want to be right now. How am I even going to fit in the seat! lol!! I may have to trick them at half time and tell them it's over. I know, terrible mother but I don't know how I'll be able to make it through the whole thing!

Yuck. You probably should have just skipped this post altogether unless you really enjoy bitching.

The Countdown

2009-01-29T16:30:00.002-06:00

I've officially declared March 6th as my last day of work. As of tomorrow, only 5 weeks left to go...thank god!! I'm getting very uncomfortable but most of all I'm SO tired, just exhausted every day. My trainee at work has been gone for the last two weeks taking courses and licensing exams and such, but she's back on Monday and I have to find a way to get some energy going now that I'll be back in training mode! Not looking forward to it!

The other countdown is now seven weeks and five days. Closer and closer it comes, yikes! I can't wait to meet the new little man, but I'm apprehensive about suddenly having three kids. Yes, something I should have thought about 7 months ago (kidding kidding! Of course we thought about it!)

I don't really have much else to report, except that I'm currently very hungry but am really dreading going home to make supper. I know there's a a thawed package of hamburger waiting for me, but I have no idea what to do with it and I already know that whatever I do cook up I'm not going to want to eat. What I really want to eat is McDonald's.

To Tired to Think of a Witty Title

2009-01-22T09:07:00.003-06:00

I'm 30 weeks, well a little over I guess and I'm starting to feel pretty uncomfortable. My husband saw me frowning about my sore back last night and commented that I'm probably ready to have the baby already. I thought about it for a second and realized I really am NOT ready. Not even a little bit. I haven't gotten one single thing ready, I guess March seems so far away, but when I break it down and say it's 8 1/2 weeks, it really seems very very close. I had a bit of a panic! First off, my husband has to build a loft bed for my oldest son, because the two older boys now have to start sharing a room. He's gung ho to do it, but he's also a procrastinator so I have to keep pushing to get him to start! I want to move them in together in February so they are really settled in before the baby comes. February is right around the corner! I have to organize all their clothes and toys and thin things out as storage will be alot more limited. Then, I have to still buy a new dresser for the baby's room, pull out all the old baby clothes, go through them and wash and put away what we're going to use. I have to track down bottles, and the pump and all the other baby paraphenalia and find a place to put it! Yikes! It's alot of work to do!

I also have to finally make a decision as to when I'm going to stop working. My office has been asking and I've been putting it off, but I need to be fair and give them a date already. I really want to work as long as I can, but at the same time I'd like to take some time for me before the baby arrives. So far, I'm thinking I'd like 2 weeks off before baby day.

I've also been wishing for a baby shower lately. I wish that I could have another one (which is greedy I know) but I know I don't get to have one. Around here showers are for the first baby only and maybe you might get another if the next one is a different sex. But third baby of the same sex? No way. This being my last child I'm just wishing for the excitement of getting all those new baby things. Like I said, totally greedy, but this is the place for honesty!

So, baby on the brain all the time, but how can it not be right? The name game is still going on but I haven't been able to get my husband to agree to my number one choice which is Lane. I have reminded him that he said I could name this one, but he says he really really really doesn't like the name. He wants Griffin, which is strange because that's the name I was in love with while pregnant with my second and he wouldn't go for it. Now all of a sudden he likes it and to me it feels like a leftover (if that makes sense?) But it's the only one so far that we both think is okay, so it may end up being the one....I don't know. I'm still hoping for that moment when I hear the perfect name and just know it's the exact right one.

Brrrr.

2009-01-13T16:55:00.003-06:00

It is SO cold. I know, I live in Canada in the prairies no less so I should be used to it and for the most part I am. But it's been super cold for a really long time now and I don't like it. Usually a cold snap like this will last a few weeks, but this has been since November! This morning the thermometer outside my house read -43 degrees celcius. (which incidentally is about the point where farenheit and celcius meet...so it was around -43 farenheit as well!) Cars don't start, exposed skin freezes in seconds, it's just terrible. Keeping all this in mind, I was EXTREMELY annoyed that school was NOT cancelled this morning. Poor kids have to WALK to school in this weather. It should have been cancelled. I'm lucky in that I was able to have my son dropped off and picked up from school today but that's not the case for everyone. My school division needs to make an adjustment to it's "policy" for school closures. Thbbbtt!!

I've also cleared up the matter of the non-existent Christmas present from my husband. I told him I'm getting a new down filled king size duvet for our queen size bed. (less fighting for covers!) Plus, I'm getting a really good one. It's way more that he would have spent on me had he gone shopping himself, but I made it clear that he's in the penalty box about this one! Smart man, he agreed.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant now, and BOY am I starting to feel like it. All of a sudden I've gotten huge and I'm getting more and more uncomfortable. Delivery day seems too far away, but at the same time way to close. I took a good look at the calendar today and realized I'm only 6 or 7 weeks away from being finished work (for a whole year! Yay Canada!...except for your coldness...no yay for that) Baby day is only 10 weeks away. I'm getting increasingly worried about suddenly handling 3 kids and I've been wondering what on earth we were thinking when we decided to start all over again with a baby! Just nerves I know because we really did alot of thinking before plunging in, but it's not helping my worries right now!

Updates

2009-01-07T16:07:00.003-06:00

Yikes, I've been missing for awhile! The holiday season has been WAY busy, but hopefully things will settle back into a more regular mode now. Just a quick update, Christmas was okay/busy. My husband still has not given me a gift and I'm getting a little ticked off about it but at the same time wondering if I should be ticked or not.....you know the whole, giving not receiving angle.

New Year's was a no-go, we stayed home, I barely stayed awake through Iron Man and was in bed by 11:30. Work is crazy busy, we have 2 new employees and somehow I've been tagged to train them BOTH and they both have zero experience. Very exhausting, I talk all day long. Hopefully I can post more later!

Bathroom Banter

2008-12-18T10:16:00.002-06:00

So, yesterday my youngest son had to be shipped off to Grandma & Grandpa's for the day. He was not too happy to be left there by himself without big brother (who was in school), especially since daddy had driven him there and then abruptly left to go to work. He thought he was going to have a fun day with daddy apparently. My mother-in-law informed me when I went to pick him up that he had pooped in his pants. HUH? This kid has not pooped in his pants ONCE since day one of potty training well over a year ago. He was and has always been the champion potty boy in our house, training him literally only took two days. I think he was displaying his displeasure with the situation in the best way he knew how.

Of course, mommy couldn't really scold him too much since she peed in her pants today. Damn pregnancy.

Humbug

2008-12-16T13:37:00.002-06:00

Crap. Christmas Eve is just 8 days away and I still have the bulk of my Christmas shopping to do. I have NO idea when I am going to find the time to do it! To top it off, my daytime babysitter's mother passed away unexpectedly so we are without daycare all week with NO backup to speak of. We've figured it out until tomorrow and as of 8am tomorrow morning I still don't know what I'm going to do with my kids. If I end up having to take days off I'm screwed because I don't get paid. Perfect time of year to start taking unexpected time off huh? I'm also scheduled to work this Saturday, as is my husband. My little city is shut down on Sundays, probably one of the few cities who don't allow Sunday shopping in all of Canada. When am I supposed to go and these gifts?!? If I at least knew what I was getting it would be a little easier and quicker, but there's still those couple of problem people that I NEVER know what to get for them. Grrr....getting hard to find my Christmas spirit!

Brrrr!

2008-12-11T09:08:00.002-06:00

It's cold here. Freezing. Darn winter.

Christmas is coming WAY too quickly! I'm feeling pressure about all the gifts I still have to buy. Plus I'm hosting this birthday/retirement party for my Mom this Saturday which is supposed to be a surprise and there's alot yet to do for that. I've got 2 doctor's appointments in the next week at inconvenient times, plus I have to take my older son for his 3rd blood test in 4 weeks. Poor little guy. He was diagnosed with psoriasis, but I personally think the blood work is going a little overboard.

I think we're going to go and get our tree on Sunday, so I'm glad that will be done. I'm itching to get it up and get some presents wrapped and out from under my bed! Other than that, not much is going on. Except that it's my birthday tomorrow!

No More Teachers, No More Books

2008-12-03T15:07:00.002-06:00

I'm exhausted. I had to write a work related licensing exam today and it took ALL my energy. I've still got over 2 hours left of work and I feel like I could go to sleep right now and not wake up until tomorrow morning. I HATE taking tests! It's so stressful and for this one I really did not take enough time to study and prepare. Honestly, I'm not sure how I did and I won't find out my mark for 3 weeks. Nice...so literally RIGHT before Christmas I'll find out and if I failed....well, that will suck. Damn. Thankfully one of my collegues wrote the exam as well so we can stress about it together. There was one good part of the stressful morning though. We took an extra 1/2 hour on our way back to the office to do some shoe shopping! hee hee!

It's December (which I'm sure you are aware of) and the madness is beginning. We're basically booked every single weekend until Christmas. This weekend is my office party which includes an overnight at a ritzy hotel (on the boss..yay!). Next weekend is filled by my husband's work shindig, and a party I'm hosting with my sister for our mom's 65th birthday/retirement which we're hoping is still a surprise. Then I have to work the following weekend and then it's Christmas! Somewhere in there we have to get a tree, which I would like to be sooner rather than later, but looks like it's going to be later. We head off into the woods to cut down our own tree, and to be completely honest, while this was cute and fun for the first couple years, I'm pretty much over it now. I still like a real tree, but I'd rather just head to the tree lot and pick one out. My husband insists it's our tradition though and since he's sentimental about absolutely nothing else, I don't have the heart to ruin it for him. Anyway, my long winded point is that it take more than just a quick trip to go pick out a tree, we need to schedule in a few hours and that's why we haven't found time to get it done yet. I'm going to try to at least get some other decorations going this week so we have something up.

22 Weeks

2008-11-27T10:06:00.003-06:00

The birthday party was a smashing success. Everyone enjoyed the chili and my boy had alot of fun. We had never taken the kids bowling before, but it's definately something we'll do again.

I've made a dent in my Christmas shopping which is pretty good for me. I'm usually scrambling during the last couple weeks in December, fighting stupid people at the mall and getting exhausted. I managed to buy a few items on-line which I've never done before and I really enjoyed not having to go to the store!! I ordered a bunch of stuff from a toy store and got free shipping, so really it was no extra cost to order on-line. Sweet! Next challenge is getting some decorations put up.

My baby has a birthday, which is very odd and strange to me. I'm having a scheduled c-section and it's already booked!! Baby will arrive on March 24th...at 10am just to be exact! It feels really odd to know what day I'll become the mother of 3. My husband has begun calling the baby "he", while I'm still calling it "the baby". Hmmm....

Getting on With Things

2008-11-19T13:11:00.002-06:00

I've been feeling better about things lately, although I'm still dealing with the sadness. It killed me to see moms with their cute baby girls in tiny little bikinis at the pool the other day. It really didn't help that the moms were in tiny little bikinis too! lol! I'm trying to concentrate on all the good things that come with boys and I'm REALLY focused on finding a name for this little one! I told my husband that I will be having final say on the name for this one and surprisingly he agreed! I didn't think he would especially because we have such differing tastes in names, but I guess it was the tears! So far I've really been into Layne (Laine?) and Griffin, and thanks to a reader's suggestion I'm really liking Drew.

My oldest son is turning 6 this weekend! Holy cow. I had decided a couple of months ago that I didn't want to have a really "big" party for this one, we'd just do something really fun and have grandparents over for cake. Somehow it's turned into a bowling party for 18 people! I'm annoyed already at the work I'm going to have to do. Everyone will be coming back to our house after bowling and because of the timing of when the bowling alley was open everyone will arrive right at 5pm...supper time!! So now I have to feed everyone. My husband suggested making a big batch of chili and I might do that, except that I'm worried that not everyone will like chili. What do you think...chili, salad and buns with hotdogs for the kids??

And the Winner is...

2008-11-14T08:55:00.002-06:00

I wasn't trying to be coy or suspenseful at all, I had no internet access all week. Could you feel my withdrawal? Yes, I had the big ultrasound on Saturday. We had to wait almost an hour for our appointment they were so far behind, very annoying. They said it was because of people travelling in from out of town, bad roads etc. Well, we travelled in from out of town and managed to get there on time! Plan ahead people! If it's icy you have to leave earlier!

Anyway, the tech had a hard time seeing the parts she needed to see and I was starting to feel like we weren't going to get an answer, but she told me they don't give up that easily. She got my permission and started poking and jiggling my belly to get the baby to turn. In the end, she told us that we are having another boy.

I've had almost a week to process it and I'm feeling better about it, but since this is certainly the one place that I can be completely honest I will admit that I was near devastated. I was leaking tears during the remainder of the ultrasound, it was all I could do to try and look happy and normal. As soon as we hit the door I burst into tears. I just wanted a daughter SO SO badly. My poor DH didn't know what to do other than rub my back while I was crying. He said he didn't know what to say and of course he wouldn't because he didn't understand. I told him he had to imagine how he would feel if he had just been told that he would never have a son, he said he would be pretty upset. Later in the day he asked me if I was going to want to try again!! I firmly told him no way! Not having a daughter is not changing my mind about being done at 3 kids.

I have moments where I feel completely selfish and guilty. At least I am able to have children, I'm able to get pregnant easily, and hopefully in a few month I will have 3 healthy and happy boys. I know all of these are things I should feel grateful for, and I'm getting there. I just needed some time to mourn my dream of a daughter. She would have been Quinn.

Of course there are good things about having another boy. I have stacks and piles and boxes of boy clothes, boy toys, and I know how to deal with boys so far. I've also been imagining them as 3 young men and it does make me smile. Plus, when they get older DH will have someone else to boss around with his "projects" and I won't have to help anymore! lol!

So now the hardest part starts which for us is finding a name! Our younger son had no name for 3 whole days. We're terrible with finding boys names and agreeing on them. I told my husband that I will be picking the name this time, and surprisingly he agreed. Must have been the tears lol! Still, I'm terribly picky and so far I don't even have a front runner. We like different but not hard to pronounce/spell names. Suggestions? Bring em on!!!

Tomorrow!

2008-11-07T13:18:00.002-06:00

Less than 24 hours to go! I cannot WAIT to find out if we'll have another little boy or a baby girl!! It's so exciting....we didn't find out with my other 2 pregnancies so this is all new!

Yucky

2008-11-05T11:52:00.002-06:00

I feel barfy today. I woke up to my alarm this morning and both my arms and one of my legs were asleep. I don't know how the heck I was laying for that to happen! I rolled over and immediately got SO nauseous!! I been feeling it on and off all day, and I have this weird little pain in my shoulder.

My older son got invited to his first birthday party! He's been to cousins parties before of course, but this is his first invite from a school friend. I'm glad for him and a bit relieved since he went through is entire kindergarten year with no invites. I was worried about his friend situation! Of course, now I have to spend money on a gift, but I'll bargain shop it for sure!

I'm very pleased with the results of the U.S. election! I'm Canadian so it doesn't impact me directly, but everything that happens in the States eventually has some sort of effect on us here in Canada so I'm very glad Obama won!

The final countdown is on to find out if this baby is a boy or a girl! For the last two nights I've been having dreams related to finding out and I find I'm sleeping TERRIBLY!!! Last night it was a boy and in my dream I was disappointed then frantic to find a name. The night before it was a girl and in my dream I was SO happy. Of course, as long as the baby arrives healthy and happy all is well, but I would so very much love to have a daughter. Only 3 days to go!

Piece of Cake

2008-10-29T09:45:00.002-05:00

The visit to the dentist went fantastic! It was definately more difficult for me than it was for him. I sat there watching, feeling my stomach churn at the sight of the needle, flinching at the sound of the drill. He just layed in the chair with his mouth wide open. I saw him clench his fists once and that was it. He was fine with it and was very happy afterward that he now has silver in his mouth like some of his friends at school. I was so relieved! I don't think he'll have a dentist phobia like me!! Yay!

I think I've got the Halloween issue all figured out. I ended up going to a thrift store and bought a pair of black pants and big green sweatshirt for $6. I already kind of shredded up the bottom of the pants, and I guess I'll rip some holes in the shirt and we'll stuff the back so it looks like a hump. I bought a crazy wig and we'll paint his face green. Done. He seems to think it'll be great! The next problem is that they're not allowed to wear "scary" costumes to school on Halloween, so he can't be a monster at school. I still have to talk to him to figure out what he wants to do that day.

I'm officially 18 weeks pregnant, which means I've started my fifth month. I actually look pregnant now, although only if you know me! I'm overweight, so to anyone else, I just look fatter, but to me and friends and family you can definately tell I'm rounder! I'm also having trouble bending over already. I'm still having attacks of extreme fatigue, but not very often. It always seems to strike when I'm out, like on Saturday evening I was grocery shopping and I actually had to physically lean on my cart because I could hardly keep myself upright! I'm sure all the running around I've had to do lately has alot to do with it. Back to the "city" tomorrow for an ultrasound, then not again until Nov 8th which is when I have my non-diagnostic ultrasound to find out the sex!! I'm scared because I've really really really got my hopes up that it's a girl, I'm worried about how disappointed I'll be if it's another boy.

I actually have plans this weekend, grown up plans!! lol! I'm going over to a girlfriend's house on Saturday to watch scary movies. Should be fun!

Dang It!

2008-10-25T11:22:00.003-05:00

For the last couple of months my kids have been getting excited about Halloween. They both had decided they wanted to wear the same costumes as last year. I didn't even coax them into this! Of course I was thrilled, costumes still fit and we're all set. Murphy's Law I suppose but today my older son informed me that he wants to be a monster with a green face. Grrr! It's six days until Halloween! I can totally do the green face, I already bought some make up, but I really have no idea what type of costume his body needs? All I can think of is the Frankenstein type monster with the black blazer, but I don't have anything like that. Ideas?

Running Around

2008-10-21T11:41:00.003-05:00

It seems like I'm constantly in my car these days. I live in a smallish town, and lately it seems as though I have neverending appointments in "the city". My OB is there, and you know they can never schedule regular appointments and ultrasounds or other testing on the same day. I took my son to the dentist yesterday and he has a cavity which he needs to go back next week to get filled. I also had studio photos of my kids done yesterday and wouldn't you know that they won't be ready until the day AFTER my last scheduled appointment. Grrr. Normally, this wouldn't bother me as the driving isn't that bad, it's the price of gas these days. It's damn expensive to be driving back and forth all the time!!

I'm stressed out about my kids filling next week. Personally, I don't "do" the dentist. I haven't been to a dentist in about 15 years. I had SO many traumatizing things happen at the dentist when I was a kid. An example? How about the time when the dentist shoved the freezing needle right into one of my facial nerves? I have plenty of other equally disturbing stories. Anyhow, I'm trying to get over it and I realize that while it's a personal choice to avoid the dentist, my kids must see one. I did go to the trouble of finding a highly recommended pediatric dentist that is REALLY far out of my way and costs more than other dentists, but I'm trying to avoid my kids being tortured as I was. I'm worried about something bad happening to my son while he's getting this filling. I'm worried that I won't handle it well and will freak him out. So far he enjoys going there (could have something to do with the play structure in the office) and I really hope that doesn't change.

Lastly, I'm currently STARVING which is a common occurence lately.

Panty Problem Solved

2008-10-14T09:31:00.003-05:00

I found some better underwear, thank god!! I don't know what it is, but I can always find good underwear in the States. Here? No way, I have to search and search and end up getting like 3 pairs for $25 at a special fat girl store. Anyway, I got some nice low rise briefs in cute colors and I'm wearing them today. I really like the fact that I don't have to feel the waistband halfway up to my boobs. Nice.

Weekend was good, we all had fun on our little trip away. I even managed to make it by using only the cash I had and didn't put even one thing on a credit card. For once I budgeted properly. Yay!

Baby is 16 weeks today. It's strange because I feel like the time is flying by but at the same time going very slowly. Weird I know, but that's how I feel. I still have to wait 4 weeks to find out the gender, I think that's the "very slowly" part. I can't wait. Of course, my husband is now all "I'm not sure if I want to know" and "wouldn't it be better to save it as a surprise since the birth date will be all scheduled?" I told him flat out, I'm finding out...period. If you dont' want to know, I just won't tell you. We had a surprise twice already, it's my turn.

My Pants are Choking Me

2008-10-08T13:32:00.003-05:00

I'm very uncomfortable today in my extra loose work pants. I guess they aren't extra loose anymore! Grrrr. I watched a show on TLC about that family with 17 kids and another on the way. How insane is that!! I just can't imagine being that poor woman...perpetually pregnant! No thank you! Then they're talking to the oldest son who just got engaged and who will not do anything other than hold hands with his fiance. WHAT! He's not even allowed to give her a kiss until they're wedding day! It made me giggle watching him propose to her, and then when she said yes, put his arm around her like I would do to my sibling. Crazy. I guess it works for them though!

This upcoming weekend is Thanksgiving for us here in Canada. I think we're skipping the whole thing and heading to the States for the weekend! Neither of our families really throws any kind of big event or anything so it's not like we're missing anything. I'm really looking forward to a weekend away.

Oh, and O.J. Simpson? Can you say karma?

Underwear

2008-10-01T10:57:00.002-05:00

I currently have on a pair of the World's Largest Panties. Seriously. I think I could possibly pull them up to my armpits. But guess how comfortable they are?? I had to buy some new underwear as most of mine is getting a little tight and binding and in my opinion a girl should never have to notice that her underwear is there, if you get what I mean. So, normally I am NOT a fan of briefs. I'm a low rise kind of girl, but with the pregnancy and impending giant watermelon that I will soon be carrying I was on a mission for the granny panties. I found some in cute colors and picked up my regular size. When I got home and pulled them out of the package I freaked out. These suckers are giant!! Imagine my dismay when I put them on and they fit so nicely. Aside from the fact that they are so TALL. They are sticking out of the back of my pants right now, which I HATE, and I keep trying to tuck them down a bit. But once again...I'm comfy. I hope I don't get too used to this.

Thirteen Weeks

2008-09-26T09:40:00.002-05:00

I guess I've been MIA for a bit, sorry about that. I just didn't have anything really interesting to say! Fall has arrived and the trees are turning colors. Our yard looks amazing at this time of year, the colors are amazing. I'm always trying to capture it in a picture, but of course I'm no photographer so the picture is always lacking!

I had my first OB appointment this week which took FOREVER to arrive. I was anxious to hear the baby's heartbeat because so far, even with the morning sickness and everything, it just didn't seem real. I kept imagining going to the doctor and having her say...well, you're not pregnant silly girl! You must have peed on the stick wrong! So, imagine my horror when she couldn't find a heartbeat during the exam. She told me not to worry, it happens all the time and that my uterus was at the size it should. Which was reassuring for about 30 seconds until she told me they would call the hospital right away to get me in for an ultrasound. Of course, I had to wait until the NEXT DAY to get it done. Typical. So my husband and I spent a rough worried night. Thankfully he was able to go with me to the appointment since I was a wreck. It took the ultrasound tech about 30 seconds to tell me there was definately a heartbeat. Talk about relief! The upside of the whole experience is that I got to see the baby's little arm waving around and it's definately real. There is a baby in there. Plus I'll get to see it again at my 20 week ultrasound!

I'm trying to convince my husband that we should take the kids away for the weekend in October (Canadian Thanksgiving) to this hotel with an awesome water park. We were there in spring and had SO much fun. Friends of ours are even going at the same time, but he's being a grouch about it. I hope I can change his mind, I really want to have some time away.

Thinking of You

2008-09-12T15:43:00.002-05:00

My thoughts are with those of you who are dealing the impending arrival of Hurricaine Ike. I can't imagine having to worry about Hurricaines. I guess that's one good thing about living in the Canadian prairies!

I'm counting down the minutes until my work week is finally wrapped up. It's been a LONG day. My eyes have been really bothering me lately. They're really burning and dry. I am a contact lense wearer so I guess this has something to do with it, but it makes it hard to work on a computer all day. Someone brought donuts to work this morning. So far, I've had two. And a bag of chips...but it was a mini bag...like Halloween sized. I suppose it doesn't matter what size it was does it? lol! Hmmm....now I can't stop wondering if there's any donuts left!

Not much else is going on around here, still getting used to the boy being back at school, now with the added fun of packing a lunch every day. That's new for me, and he's already complaining about sandwiches a week and a half in. Not a good sign.

This bites.

2008-09-05T09:28:00.002-05:00

So here I am, at work on a Friday, for the first time in over 2 years. Was this MY idea? Oh yeah it was. Right now it sucks, but I suppose it'll start feeling a bit more worth it once I get my first "big" paycheque. Well, "bigger" anyway, I don't suppose I'll ever think it's big.

The first day of school went off without a hitch. No crying this year, no wrestling him out of the car, no guilty feelings. He just gave me a kiss and off he went. Honestly, I think he was mostly excited about eating lunch at school. He actually had to look at his sandwich before we left in the morning. Turkey and cheese, just as he requested. Of course, last night he told me that he's not going to any "higher numbers" in school. He's just going to be done after grade one. Right.

As soon as it hit September the weather turned rainy and cold and fall-like. I was hoping for a nice indian summer since our actual summer was so short and started late, but I guess I can quit hoping.

I weighed myself last week for the first time in months and I was not suprised but not happy by what I saw. I've gained about 20lbs, and while I don't know how much of it is pregnancy related, I can be certain that most of it was put on before I even got pregnant.

I AM a Rock Star!

2008-08-28T16:23:00.002-05:00

I had a great time with the girls last weekend. We sat around yakking, cooked some fantastic meals and I had the pleasure of filling them in on my pregnancy. For the most part they were shocked. One girlfriend even asked me (oh so gently) how I was feeling about it all. She thought it was an oops!! I had to explain that I'm thrilled since this was all according to plan! So funny. They mostly assumed we were done since we already have 2!

We spend some time fishing, and while I only caught a tiny sardine size fish, everyone else caught lots so there was a great fish fry for supper one night. We also spend alot ALOT of time playing Rock Band! Holy shit, it was so fun! And funny!! My favorite was the drums, I even got a little callous on my hand from playing. Such a great time. I can't wait to try it again some time when I can have a couple cocktails like they did!

Other than that, we're just gearing up getting ready to go back to school next week. I think my little guy is prepared, I certainly keep reminding him enough that it's coming up. Time will tell.

Salmon Stinks

2008-08-20T17:11:00.003-05:00

I *think* my morning sickness may be subsiding somewhat. Although the stink of the (canned) salmon and onions my husband made this morning just about made me hurl. Though, that may have happened anyway....canned salmon stinks. I love real salmon though....weird?

Both of my kids are gone this weekend. Woo Hoo!! It's camp weekend with Grandma. Every year my mom and my two Aunts rent a cabin and take all their grandkids for a 3 day weekend. No parents allowed. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my mom?! lol! So, since my husband is working all weekend, I'm headed off for a girls weekend! One of my very good friends lives in a resort town about 4 hours away so three of my girlfriends and I are headed up to spend the weekend with her. Of course, the weather forecast is shitty for the weekend, but we'll think of kinds of trouble to get into! None of my girlfriends know about the pregnancy so I'll fill them in this weekend. There's NO way I would get through the weekend without having a drink...they would guess anyway. I might actually just see how long it takes for one of them to say "what are you pregnant?"

Other than that I'm busy getting school supplies purchased and mourning the fact that I have a child going into grade one. I feel bad for the poor kid too since he dislikes school so much and now he has to get used to being there all day instead of half days like kindergarten. Obviously I know it's fine, every kid does it, but I still feel for him.

Dwindling Summer

2008-08-13T13:21:00.002-05:00

I feel like I was just complaining about waiting for summer to arrive and now it's getting ready to wrap up!! I don't know what it is, but as soon as August hits, I start thinking about the end of summer, when really there's at least a month of it left! I'm heading to the beach on Friday with the boys and my mom. I'm a little leery as there's been two drownings at that particular beach over the last 2 weeks, but I generally have an eagle eye on my kids so we'll be fine.

I'm also going to a concert on Sunday which I'm looking forward to. Crue Fest!!! Basically five bands playing with Motley Crue as the headliner. Yes, I was an 80's headbanger!

I just discussed changing my work schedule with my boss. I currently work 3 days a week, Monday and Friday off...how perfect is that!! But with a new baby coming I need to make more money and I also need to build up my hours so I get better maternity benefits when I go on leave in March. We get a year's paid Maternity leave here, but only at 55% of your wage. Still, it's super nice to be able to stay home for that year. So, I'm bumping up my schedule to four days a week starting in September and it ended up working out better that I start working Friday's, which sucks. I would have much rather kept my Friday's off, but beggars can't be choosers!! I have to remember it's only for 6 1/2 months.

Holy Cow

2008-08-09T15:13:00.002-05:00

Nine days into August and I haven't posted yet! Bad me! Sorry about that. Hectic as always around these parts. Also, I'm feeling like crap most of the time. I'm sick and tired! Either I'm fighting nausea all day or falling asleep at my desk. It's such fun growing a baby!

My older son (5 1/2) got stung by a hornet last weekend on his lip and on his TONGUE! Gross! He was walking through the grass and I guess the darn thing just flew up right into his mouth! Luckily I knew he wasn't allergic as he's been stung before (by wasps and bees too....he's pretty unlucky in the sting department). I was still nervous though and I had keys in hand ready to take him to the ER if the swelling looked like it was getting out of hand. His face was VERY swollen, and he was talking like he had marbles in his mouth for a few days, but he looks better now. Poor kid, he has the worst luck sometimes!

I can't believe that summer is already over 1/2 over. I feel like I haven't done near enough this year, but it seems like we're all booked up, I don't know what else we can fit in! I really wanted to go camping again, even if it was just for a weekend, but the only weekend we have that's free isn't until the middle of September, so I guess we won't be going!

Full of Surprises

2008-07-30T13:37:00.003-05:00

My weekend was VERY interesting to say the least. A couple of months ago my Aunt was complaining that she wanted to have a big birthday party for her grandson, but couldn't think of where she could do it. She has a really small house and not much of a yard. Since we have 4 acres, I offered her the use of our yard for the party which she took me up on. So the big party was this Saturday. It was a gorgeous day and the party was great, all the kids had a blast.

So, just as I thought the party was winding down, some of my family members haul out another big pile of gifts. Then everyone yelled out "Surprise"! I was MAJOR confused, because everyone was looking at me! It turns out that they were throwing me a bridal shower. This was pretty shocking since I've been married for 2 1/2 years! lol! They explained that I never had a shower (by choice) but that they always thought I deserved one. So sweet! Everyone gave me such great gifts, it was really nice.

After another hour or so, a bunch more people show up at my house. My in-laws, some friends of the family etc. The next thing I know, everyone is yelling surprise again! Now, they tell me that they're throwing us a housewarming party!! They whip out all these coolers and start barbequing supper and present us with cards from everyone with a gift of money. Wow. I love my family!! It was super nice.

The hardest part was that I SO badly wanted to tell everyone that we're expecting another baby. It was the perfect moment and everyone important to us was there. But, my husband was adamant that it was too soon and now that a couple days have past, I agree with him. Five weeks is a little to early to tell people IRL. So, you folks are the only ones I've been able to spill the beans too!!

I find I've been making much more of an effort to eat healthfully now. I took salad to work for the lunch the last couple of days and I'm trying to eat more fruit.

Bun in The Oven

2008-07-24T09:49:00.003-05:00

Time for my BIG news. I'm pregnant folks! Baby #3 is on the way....yikes! So far my due date is April 1/09, but that's just what I've calculated using the good old internet. My OB may figure out a different date, and so far I haven't even made my appointment yet, which I will be getting on top of soon!

I'm kind of in state of shock, I kept the pee sticks for like 4 days because I just had to keep looking at them to make sure they really were positive. I don't know why I'm so shocked, we definately were trying to make this happen. I even used an ovulation predictor kit for crying out loud! I'm just so happy about it, but a bit scared too. Three kids! We'll be outnumbered!

So far no real "symptoms" to report which is good. I was terribly sick with my first, not at all with my second. Although, by boobs are literally bursting out of my bra...my DH pointed that out to me of course!

Edit- I make the mistake of deciding to change my template and lost all my links! I'm trying to recreate them, but PLEASE let me know if you used to be listed over there ---> I can't remember everyone!

Vacation

2008-07-23T14:58:00.002-05:00

I'm back folks. Back in real world, vacation time is officially over. Our camping trip was fun. We didn't have very good weather, windy and cool with rain on and off. We actually had to "seek shelter" one afternoon as there was a tornado raging about 20 miles away from us and we were under a tornado warning. Being in a tent...not so safe! We huddled up in a stone bathroom/change house at the beach for a couple hours. We experienced some sideways rain and high winds, but nothing too scary. The situation itself was pretty intense though.

There was drama every day at the campsite. My husband stumbled into a hornet's nest (literally) and got stung 6 times. Thank god he's not allergic! My oldest son had a bad wipe out on his bike (he's only been without training wheels for a couple of months). He broke a piece of his helmet (Kids! Wear your helmets!) and peeled all the skin of the side of his hand. Many tears, but ultimately nothing major. We had raccoons snooping through out stuff every single night, which was pretty funny actually, and they ended up stealing a pound of bacon, a package of sausages, a bag of chips and a bag of cookies. They were eating well!

After we got home I spent the next few days hanging out with my kids. We went to the beach, to a water park and to the movies. We were all sad when vacation time was over.

Summer remains a busy time, it seems we have plans every weekend and we're having a tough time trying to figure out when we can fit in another short camping trip.

I also have BIG news, but I'll have to save that for it's own post. hee hee

Absent

2008-07-09T09:45:00.002-05:00

Sorry I have not been posting lately. Now that summer is here I feel as though I'm constantly on the go. As well, I haven't been making any true attempts at weight loss these days, so I feel I don't have much to post about. Although, obviously that has to change!

I am on vacation officially tomorrow. We are heading out in the morning to a fantastic lake and we'll be camping for the next week or so. I'm really looking forward to it as I LOVE camping and I can't wait to get to relaxing!! I still have alot to do to get ready, so tonight will be busy busy. I was pleased to realize that I'm actually pretty organized with my camping gear. We're tenters so I have all of our stuff in those plastic bins. I remember years past having to go through everything and then raid the kitchen to make sure we had enough gear. I guess over the last couple of years I've bought all the main things we need and they've been for camping use only. Once I went through everything, I realized that I only needed to add a few things. Of course, there's still the lists to make and grocery shopping and laundry and bags to pack!

I'll post again once we get back!

It Has Arrived!!

2008-06-24T16:14:00.002-05:00

Yay! Summer is here finally! Today, it's beautiful, sunny and hot. Flowers are blooming and my garden is starting to come up. I'm so happy!

We've been spending time outdoors lately. We plan to build a double garage attached to our house by fall, so we've been getting things ready. Hubby & I poured two new concrete pads at the front of the house. One is where we are also extending our front entrance when the garage is built to give ourselves some more room at the front of the house. Another is just for looks really, but we wanted a kind of a step up before the actual (future) entrance is complete. When I say "we" did it, what I really mean is that I was the "go and get it" girl. As in, get me this tool or that tool or a glass of water or whatever. Not the best job in the world but at the end of it all at least I helped!! OH, but I did put the brushed finish on the concrete....that was all me. I actually decided to do it when DH was at work, and he was pretty pleased with the result.

This past Sunday DH and I spend on the golf course playing in a tournament put on by his work. I usually golf about twice a year, sometimes only once. So, you can imagine how horrible I am. I've never taken lessons or anything, so I'm super happy if I even get some lift on the golf ball, never mind actual distace. We had SUCH a blast. It was a gorgeous day, we got teamed up with a fun couple and drinks were had by all. It makes me want to golf more! Oh, I also won a golf club in the draw afterwards! I'm told it's worth a good chunk of coin, but I don't know anything about it! I bought my clubs at a garage sale for $30 and 1/2 of them are too big for me! But my new one is very pretty!

This weekend we are heading out to a local historical railroad. They run vintage trains all summer on day trips. This weekend is a Day with Thomas (the tank engine), so they have the actual engine Thomas pulling the train with a bunch of kids events at the destination. It's going to be a huge suprise for my boys and I'm super excited to see how excited they will be! Call me a dork, but I'm going to have my camcorder in hand all day!!! Summer is a busy busy time, and I'm so glad it's here.

What Happened to Summer?!

2008-06-12T12:02:00.002-05:00

It's the middle of June already and we're STILL waiting for summer! Yes, the grass is mostly green and we have leaves on the trees, but the weather continues to remain spring-like. Where's the heat?!!!

Once it does finally get here, my summer is filling up pretty fast. It's amazing to me how much free time I have in the winter compared to the summer. I feel so pretentious looking at my calendar when people call and ask about planning something, but it's totally necessary. I'm not complaining mind you, I'm glad we have so many fun weekends ahead. I'm mostly looking forward to camping, which is my favorite summer activity. Our first camping trip is now only 4 weeks away. Let's hope that summer graces us with it's presence before then.

As for me....well...I have been eating badly and consistently! It seems as though I really have no desire to get back on track but as my work pants are starting to fit tightly I'm going to have to force myself in that direction soon. Not only for that reason, but because I'm now officially off birth control and ready to make another little person. Gotta have a healthy body to make a healthy baby!

Sorry About That

2008-06-03T10:24:00.002-05:00

Wow...I've been missing in action huh? My life has been busy, busy, busy and I just didn't have time to post! I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm currently a college student working slowly (very slowly) towards my Humans Resource Management certificate. I'm doing it through distance education as it's not an option for me to go to school full time. Heck, it's not even an option for me to take an evening class due to my husband's shift work. So anyway, I was taking a workshop on Employment Equity and May 31st was the deadline to have my final assignment in to be marked. SO, I had to focus on that for the last week or so. I got it in just under the wire and I think I did pretty well. The class is just marked pass/fail, so I'm sure I'll get a pass no problem.

I spend the weekend working at my office on Saturday, and at home on Sunday. It was tree-planting day at Casa Dee. We planted a bunch of choke cherry trees, norwood pines and dogwoods. Our hope is that eventually our view of our neighbors will be completely blocked!! We live on an acreage, so our place is very private, except for between us and the neighbors to the north. They are the only house that we can see through the trees and I'd like to change that!

I'm taking my kids to my mom's company picnic on Saturday afternoon, then we're going to the circus in evening. Lots of activities piled into one day! I'm also DYING to get out to see Sex and the City, but I don't know when I'll actually get to!! It's been hard work trying to avoid hearing people talking about it...I don't want anyone to spoil it for me!!

Still Here

2008-05-21T10:15:00.002-05:00

Not much to report. Still trying to convince my brain that I DO NOT need to eat chips every day. I haven't had any since Sunday, but my brain is not happy about it! I'm not counting points, just paying attention. I've been only eating if I'm hungry and so I think that if I WAS counting points I probably would have been under the daily allowance at times, but I just can't think about points anymore. I've been finding that when I'm working I can have one piece of toast with pb & j in the morning and I'm truly not hungry until lunch. I think I've been eating more in the evening, but at least I'm avoiding those damn chips.

I've also developed a love of watermelon. I've always loved watermelon, but lately I can't get enough of it. I really feel guilt free when eating it and MAN does it fill me up! I've been snacking on it every evening (in lieu of the evil chips). I've also been trying to amp up my water intake as I had been slacking in that.

I'm proud to say that my older boy is now without training wheels on his bike. I've been contemplating getting my bike in shape as it seems to have gotten a bit rusty in the last few years. I think he'd love to go bike riding with me, although I'm not sure how long my bum can take!!

Clawing My Way Out

2008-05-14T11:47:00.002-05:00

I *think*, maybe just maybe spring is starting to arrive. It hasn't snowed for over a week now lol! Seriously, the temperatures are starting to warm up and I saw some buds on the trees today. I hope this shitty spring will be made up for with a wicked good summer!

I'm beginning to feel really yucky, and bloated and generally annoyed at myself for letting things slide as I have for the past few...well...months really. I'm slowly, slowly starting to claw my way out of this pit of bad choices and laziness that I've created for myself. In all honesty, I'm really just tired of thinking about food all the time. What I SHOULD be eating versus what I WANT to eat and then playing it all over in my head when I eventually make the wrong choice is just really tiring. But, I suppose that's what has to be done if I don't want to end up ballooning up again right? I would be so so happy if I could just get back to where I was....my lowest so far, which was 241. Honestly...I'm probably a good 10lbs away from that number which I would find out if I had the nerve to get on the scale. I've just got to get active people!

Soccer season has started and I'm thrilled that my son is actually playing this year! I mean, last year he "played" on a team as well, but really he spent most of the time doing sommersaults, picking grass and digging in the dirt. This year he's actively participating in the games and it's so much fun for both of us!

2008-05-07T09:49:00.003-05:00

My baby turned three on Monday. Holy crap! Three years old already, time flies. I find myself struggling to remember his baby days. I guess that's per usual with the second kid, because I can remember all kinds of baby stuff about my first. It seems like all I can remember about my second is being awake until 3am trying desperately to get him to sleep, please please sleep!! Oh, and the endless rocking. Good times! Am I crazy to want to do it all over again!?!

I've been pretty absent from here lately haven't I? I'm sure you've realised by now that silence on the blog means bad new for the body! Things have NOT been going well.

I was thinking this morning about the folks who eat & shop the perimeter of the grocery store. I guess the premise is staying away from the chip aisle and the frozen/processed food junk that usually fills the middle aisles of the store. You know what's weird? Both of the grocery stores I frequent are laid out quite differently. The outside aisles are, yes, fresh vegetables and fruit and the meats and dairy stuff. However, they are also the bakery with all the fresh baked goodies like pie and cake and cookies and bagels and donuts..... Yikes! Then, on the other end is the chips and pop! I could shop the perimeter of MY grocery stores and pack on 50lbs no problem!! I just thought that was funny, I understand the intent though.

I guess that's it for today!

Doctor? Hello? Doctor?

2008-04-29T16:03:00.002-05:00

I don't really have a whole lot to report today. Things have been pretty un-pretty on the weight loss front. I'm definitely off the rails. Not insanely so, but definitely making bad choices and not counting at all. Why? I'm not sure really. My walking buddy and I managed only 2 walks since we made our plan. Not so good. I guess I'm kind of just foggy lately.

Saturday was a snowy day here. We got well over a foot of snow. No, that was not a typo. It looked like full on winter, with drifts and all. Totally insane, but pretty typical of a Manitoba "spring" but we usually get a storm like that in late March, not almost MAY!!

My doctor (G.P.) is leaving town at the end of next month and I'm really bummed about it. She's been my doctor since I was pregnant with my first son, so it's been six years. Prior to seeing her I rarely went to the doctor at all, and at 27 years old had NEVER had a PAP. I was petrified of doctors and would sit sweating and nauseous in the waiting room. Once I started seeing her, my fears subsided, and I found that I would actually go see her when I needed to, instead of waiting until I was on death's door!! Actually, I finally ended up getting my gall bladder out after over 5 years of agonizing attacks because I finally felt comfortable with a doctor. Now she's leaving. The worst part of it is that her husband also worked at the same clinic and between the two of them they had over 3000 patients that are now without doctors. I live in a very small city (about 11,000 I think) and so ALL those 3000 people are now looking for new doctors. Guess what? NONE of the doctors in our town are accepting new patients. NONE. The closest available family doctor? Over 40 minutes away. The whole situation is totally disgusting to me. Of course, the worst part is that all of this is happening just when my husband and I have decided to try to have another baby. I really don't know what to do at this point. Oh, she was our family doctor, so that means that the kids don't have anyone to go to either.

Can you say SNOW?

2008-04-23T16:59:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting at my desk crunching on Munch'ems and reading about the winter storm warning for our area. Yes, you read that right...WINTER storm warning. We're expecting some snow tonight. Sometimes Canada really sucks!!

My week started off...well....badly. Sunday I ate a lot. Nuf said. Monday I did very well until I baked some banana bread (with chocolate chips). Three slices ended up in my gut...but it was very tasty!! Since then I've been better behaved and have practiced restraint. Of course, the banana bread is all gone which definately helps too. No walking to speak of this week though. Both the friend I mentioned and I are lazy girls. Honestly, we both openly admit it! So, I'm not sure exactly how much we're going to motivate each other to get out walking, but once we get there we're good to go!! What we need is a third who can nag us until we go! lol!

The friend I went to see sing at the bar? He won!! It was alot of fun. Now he has to make it through the semi-finals!

Outdoor Fun?

2008-04-19T09:27:00.002-05:00

A pound! A pound! I lost a whole pound!! I'm so excited, it feels like it's been ages since I lost a whole pound! Just one more example of how EXERCISE is what I need to be doing! I went walking again yesterday for 40 minutes. It's amazing how going with a friend makes it a completely different experience. When I'm walking alone, it seems endless, boring and I usually end up turning around. With a friend we chat and the time passes so quickly, it's almost enjoyable. (only almost folks....let's not get crazy here!) Hopefully we can get out again next week. The crazy thing is, my hips hurt today. Yikes. It's wasn't really all that strenuous and my hips hurt? Definately need to get in shape. Also, we got lapped by 2 old ladies. I mean in their 70's....we had a giggle about that.

Last night we were able to enjoy the first bonfire of the season. It was great. I love sitting by a fire and it got me very much looking forward to the start of the camping season. Summer rocks.

Tonight, I'm actually going to a bar. Crazy, but my friends boyfriend is singing in a talent search contest and tonight is the semi-finals. I've never actually heard him sing so I'm looking forward to it. Have a good weekend all!

I Heart Honey

2008-04-15T15:13:00.003-05:00

So...another puny little loss, but at least it's heading in the right direction. I was down .4lbs on Saturday.

I ended up getting the flu which sucked and caused me to miss a day of work which also sucks because I don't get paid. I pretty much ate toast with peanut butter & honey, tea with honey, crackers with honey. Oh, and macaroni and cheese...and hot chocolate. Not the best menu huh? I was sick dammit!!

My friend and I have decided we're going to "try" to meet for walks a few times a week. We went on Monday with all four of our kids and it actually went pretty good. The two oldest guys rode their bikes and we pushed the younger two in strollers. We had a good hour walk. And on the way home I stopped for ice cream! Yet another good choice huh? Oh well.....

Germs and Bugs

2008-04-09T14:19:00.003-05:00

Tis the season to be sick? Everyone in our house has been plagued by illness. Both of my boys have had a stomach flu, which has now morphed into a chest cold. My husband has toncillitis...the fact that he actually went to the doctor means he was feeling absolutely horrendous. Both my little guys were sick all through spring break and still aren't recovered. Their poor little noses are so raw and red I feel bad for them. I've been healthy through all of this and then....today. Today I feel week, headachy and cold. Plus my throat hurts. Damn.

Weigh in was good on Saturday. I lost .2 lbs which is nothing I know BUT combine that with the fact that I ate out THREE times last week. Changes things doesn't it?! I'm pleased as punch! So far this week has been alright, except for a dive into McDonald's on Monday that included a milkshake. But, I dusted myself off, crossed off all my flex points for the week and here I am chugging away. No exercise so far yet....gotta do something about that.

It's That Time Again

2008-04-03T14:30:00.003-05:00

It occurred to me last night that it was April 2nd. Then I thought, hmm, what is it about April 2nd....should I be doing something? After a moment it came crashing into my brain. April 2nd is the anniversary of my dad's death. I immediately felt enormously guilty. How could I have almost forgotten the worst day in my life?! Of course the next emotion was the sadness and the memories. Then another terrible realization came to me as I mentally calculated how long it's been. It's been 17 years since he passed, an eternity that seems like yesterday. I was sixteen at the time. I've now been without my dad for longer that I was with him. Then I burst into tears. It's amazing how it can hurt so bad even though it was so long ago. I miss him, though not every day and that makes me sad too. I wish my boys could have known him, he would have been the best Grandpa around.

Okay....I don't really want to cry at work so I'll move on to other subjects. The rest of my day yesterday went well I think I stayed within or very close to my daily points yesterday. I just came back from lunch with my co-worker and I didn't fair as well as I did yesterday. I ended up having chicken quesadillas intending to eat only 1/2 and take the rest home. But of course, it was so yummy I ate the whole thing. Although, while I'm satisfied now I'm definately not stuffed, so I don't really think I overate. A quesadilla's gotta be lots of points though. At least it was baked, that must help right?

Also, my orzo pasta experiment the other day turned out really yummy. I ended up sauteing spanish onions and garlic in olive oil, then adding mushrooms, spinach, parmesan cheese and the pasta. It was tasty, but in the end it calculated out to 8 points for the serving size I had. So, a bit much for a lunch option, but definately a tasty supper. I think I'll experiment again with the amounts and see if I can't reduce the points.

Rolling with it

2008-04-02T13:25:00.002-05:00

Lunch dates are so difficult when a girl is trying so hard to stay OP! So, today I went for a lunch with my boss and a couple co-workers. This came up about an hour prior to lunch time, so not exactly time to plan ahead!! I considered saying no just because going out for lunch didn't fit into my plans today. It seemed silly to do that in the end...I mean this is life...I can't live only for WW! So I went, and I think I did pretty well. The restaurant had a buffet style soup, salad and sandwich bar, so that's what I had thinking I could easier control what I would eat. I ended up with a spoonful of a some sort of broccoli/cauliflower salad, a scoop of pasta salad (which was not in a creamy sauce, more of an oil/vinegar type deal) and a scoop of cucumber salad, a cup of turkey soup and 1/2 an egg salad sandwich. Oh, and some canteloup. It sounds like alot, but when I say I had a "scoop" I literally mean one spoonful...like a tablespoon you'd use in your kitchen. The food was so-so, and I'm actually feeling hungry (still...it's only 1:30). So, I think I'll call this a successful lunch out, and I'm pretty sure I can go ahead and eat my pre-planned snacks this afternoon without screwing up my points for the day (an apple, an orange and a cheese string). I'm not sure how I'm going to count the lunch points exactly though. hmmmm

Tomorrow I have another lunch date with a co-worker. I never usually get to make lunch plans because I have to use my lunch hour picking up my son from daycare and taking him to school (kindergarten). Since it's spring break I figure I should make plans...so tomorrow is another lunch out. I don't know where we'll end up but again I'm going to do my best!

Kitchen Experimentation

2008-03-28T13:24:00.002-05:00

I bought some orzo pasta and I'm going to try to recreate something I sampled in a restaurant. I think it may end up being a fairly low point item if I can do it right. I'm thinking, olive oil, parmesan cheese, spinach, red onions, garlic and mushrooms. I figure I'll saute the veg and garlic in the olive oil, then add the pasta and parmesan. I hope I'm not disappointed!!

My husband and I seem to be back on an even keel, although he's never apologized for what I feel was something he was in the wrong for. Oh well, I guess somebody has to be the bigger person and it's usually the wife! lol!

We had a really great trip over the weekend. The water park was a big hit with both kids and adults. I'm not sure why, but I've developed this fear of waterslides over the past few years, but I got up my courage and went on one which was lots of fun. That was the only one I would go on though! We brought along our 13 year old niece so she could babysit for us in the evening and then the grownups hit the casino. I'm not really a gambler, never have been. I put a few dollars in the slots here and there but I feel like it's a waste of money. However, this weekend one of my friends convinced me to try blackjack and I think I'm hooked! I ended up winning $50 at the end of the weekend. I realise that's not enough to retire on or anything, but I played for a couple hours each evening and enjoyed myself, so to walk away with a bit of money in my pocket was nice.

As per usual, things were not good on the food front while on "vacation". So, I don't think I'll dare check on the damage tomorrow, but will wait until next week. I am however totally on track now and counting and using the magical journal, so I hope to see a lower number next week!

Uh Oh

2008-03-26T11:40:00.003-05:00

It looks like I've been tagged for the first time ever! Is it lame that I feel so special? lol! Anyway, Irene has tagged me to write a six word biography for myself. So, after minutes of soul searching here it is:

"Making it up as I go"

Yup, that seems about right!

So, for the shitty news of the week. I weighed in this past Saturday to find that I had gained 1lb. I was super surprised, and not pleasantly. WTF? Oh well...all I can do is keep trucking along. Oh, and the "uh oh" I refer to in the title? My pants are starting to feel tight. shit.

Week 2 Day 3

2008-03-19T13:26:00.002-05:00

Title pretty sums up where I'm at today. My mojo is still groovin' and I'm doing well. I've been using a couple flex points here and there which I didn't really used to do, and I'm finding that I haven't been fighting with hunger. Tomorrow I'm making a dish from the ESBM cookbook.....I forget what it's called but I know it has maple syrup and dill in it because that's what I had to buy at the store today!! It looks delicious, I'll let you know how it turned out. I also tried those L.C. panini's, man they are super yummy!! I've tried 3 different ones and I like them all. I also think that I could easily make up something like that at home and freeze them and bring them to work. That's a future project though!!

I don't have much else to report today. My DH and I have been fighting like cats and dogs ever since the weekend and we've each spent a night sleeping on the couch. That's the first time we've ever chosen to sleep separately since we got together 7 years ago (apart from when one of us has been really sick). Thankfully this morning we seemed to simultaniously call a truce...or sort of. Hopefully tonight things will be back to normal.

We're heading to the States this weekend to a hotel that has this huge waterpark with another couple and their kids. I'm SO looking forward to it, my boys are going to have so much fun...I can't wait to see how big their eyes get when they see the waterpark! That part we've kept a surprise. Of course I'm worried about food, but I'll do my best.

Big Smiles

2008-03-15T10:37:00.002-05:00

Thanks for all your well wishes this week. I'm very proud to say that my mojo is still in tact and I've had my very first "OP" week in months (and months & months!!!) As a result, I'm down 1.8lbs!! Yay! I'm relieved to see I squeaked back under that 250lb mark....which was a number I was so happy to leave behind the first time. Here's hoping I don't have to see it again!!

So, for this coming week I plan to do just as well as I did this past week, plus incorporate some more exercise in there somewhere. Honestly, I just really feel good that I finally managed to make it through a whole week. I feel happy and my body feels happy too!

I FOUND IT!!

2008-03-12T13:27:00.003-05:00

Finally! After all these months I think I may have FINALLY tracked down my mojo!! Woo hoo!! Here's what happened. First off, I weighed my self on Saturday after many weeks of just avoiding it. I think it's been 3 or 4 weeks actually. To my horror I saw that I had gained right around 5 lbs!!! OMG! Totally not surprising, but shocking at the same time. I'm sure some of you can relate. So...that sucked, but thank god I finally gave myself that reality check. Later that SAME day, I happened to look in this old desk I have that's been sitting empty and unused since we moved a year ago. Oh wait! It's not empty. Inside the bottom drawer I find my stack of WW points trackers that I lost in our moved and spent many weeks looking for!! Hmmm....interesting coincidence. So then & there I decide that enough is enough, suck it up baby and get to work!!

First thing on Sunday morning I started journalling every bit of food I ate and writing it down in my cute, compact points tracker and here I am on day 4 and I'm doing FANTASTIC! No nibbles here, cookies there, finish off the kids plates business. I'm weighing and measuring and reading labels and I feel that old motivation that I did when I first started WW. I don't know exactly what it was that got me there...was it reaching a "scary" number again or was it simply finally finding those darn books. I don't know and I don't care, but I sure hope this feeling continues!! No.....that's not right, I'm going to do my damndest to make SURE it continues!!

I've updated my ticker with my new horrid weight but I guarantee it's going to be changing for the better!

Bad Start

2008-03-06T11:07:00.004-06:00

Okay, so Project: Move Your Ass didn't actually start on March 2nd. I guess I really started on March 3rd since that's when I stopped eating crap! If I am to be really honest though, it hasn't actually started at all because I haven't moved my ass....at all. But, I have been monitoring my eating and have been doing pretty well since Monday.

I have alot of different excuses that I've been using as to why I haven't done any real activity, but I don't have any reasons except one. I'm lazy. It's just SO easy to talk myself out it! Maybe I should have been a lawyer, I'm so good at arguing with myself! lol! Oh well. I also haven't weighed myself for a couple weeks which is bad news too. I wonder if I'll lose any weight before May which is when we think we may start trying for a baby. When I think of that I immediately start thinking is there really any point since I'm just going to gain weight while pregnant? Shouldn't I wait until after the baby since it would be our last and I can really work at getting the pounds off? Then I think, well...no, I want to be healthier for the pregnancy, gotta lose weight now. Pretty confusing continuous circle of thought huh? This is only a small small portion of my thinking about weight loss each day!

I'm no longer fuming at the bank but I still think they're dummies. To top off my day yesterday I had a very "heated" conversation with a client in which he called me a liar repeatedly. Imagine my mood last night. grrrr. I'm just glad that day is over and today is my last day of work for the week.

Banks Suck updated

2008-03-05T11:01:00.004-06:00

I am PISSED OFF right now. Really pissed off. I just got off the phone with my bank. I was looking into getting some overdraft protection on our chequing account. The ONLY reason is because we have a pre-authorized payment that comes out on the 15th each month. I get paid on the 15th, but it's usually deposited into my account late in the day, while the pre-authorized pymt comes out usually in the wee hours of the morning. It tends to happen that we have to pay a $5.00 overdraft fee to cover that payment for like 7 hours or whatever.

SO, I call my bank & ask to have overdraft put on my account and am told that we don't qualify because our credit score is not good enough. Which is pretty confusing because she is using the credit report that they pulled one year ago when we applied for our mortgage. Our mortgage guy specifically told us that our credit is EXCELLENT. Which it should be as we've both had a few vehicle loans that we've paid off with no problems and we have a HOUSE that we own OUTRIGHT because we PAID THE MORTGAGE OFF IN FULL!!!!!!! What the FUCK?!?!? Our credit is good enough for you to give us well, well, well over a hundred grand to buy a SECOND home, but not good enough for a $500 overdraft protection???????? I'm SO angry. But I guess you could tell.

Sorry guys, but I needed to vent.

*update*
So, my husband went to the bank this morning & asked for $500 overdraft on the account. What did they say? Sure, no problem, it should be processed by this afternoon. WTF?

Project: Move Your Ass!

2008-02-26T16:05:00.002-06:00

Yes folks....I'm attempting some forced motivation here. Project: Move Your Ass begins for me on March 2. I'm pretty sure that I could be waiting until hell freezes over to get back my original, just started WW, mojo, so I'm just going to choose a date and force myself to be all gung ho and shit!

Why March 2nd? Well, I'm going away this weekend with my girlfriends (to the states). No need to ruin a perfectly good weekend with dieting and exercise right?! I agree.

This week I'm pretty much coasting....paying attention to what I'm eating but not counting points or anything. However I am NOT having a free for all, last week of freedom type of event, because I've had about 3 of those since the New Year and I think it's time to cut that out! So, my plan is to...well....move my ass really. It's kind of self-explanatory. Just get more activity...do the WATP when ever I can fit it in, even if it's only the 20 minute version. Hopefully start hitting some aquafit type classes (I've had the schedule on my fridge for at least 6 months and have yet to go!) and hopefully, start doing some walking once spring like weather finally arrives. Even though I hate walking without a destination, I'll give it a shot. As for the counting points WW part of it, for the time being I think I'll continue on with that and see what happens. If I can't make it work I'm going to go with the healthy foods/portion control type idea that I talked about a few posts ago. Whew....let's hope this works!!

In other news....we went ice fishing on Saturday and man did I have a great time! It was just me, my husband and our oldest son. We caught about 7 in total, but only 2 were keepers. Just getting out of the house and spending family time together was fun and it was a beautiful day for once.

Giving Credit

2008-02-21T13:16:00.003-06:00

Thanks for your comments on my post yesterday. You are all absolutely right in that becoming committed to my weight loss and my health will only come when I'm mentally ready. I sure hope it's soon! I feel like I should really be giving myself credit for what I HAVE accomplished though. I started WW at 290lbs. I've successfully lost around 45lbs and that's a lot. Even though I haven't progressed at all over the last year or so, I've managed to maintain that weight loss which means that I've been doing something right and I've obviously made changes that are sticking with me even when I'm not strictly "on program". So....pat on the back for me!

I guess I just feel like I'm failing when week after week I'm posting gains or skipping weigh-ins and feeling like I need to have a reason. The fact is, this is my blog to discuss my life and my struggles. I will no longer allow myself to feel like I need to edit, apologize or explain, but I'll certainly continue to be up front about what I've been up to (bad and good!).

SO....since I'm being all soul searching and whatnot...have I suddenly come to an "a-ha" moment and am now completely motivated to run a marathon?! NOT! lol! I'm still in a funk here and I really do think a large part of it has to do with this goddamn weather. But I know I MUST get out of it and get moving.....because the bottom line is that I'm not willing to put off this baby-making project and that means I've gotta drop some pounds!

It's Just a Matter of WHEN

2008-02-20T13:08:00.003-06:00

I think I'm just sick of it all. The points, the constant calculating, the constant thinking about food and what I should/shouldn't eat, the constant mind games I play with myself. What I would LOVE is to just magically become one of those people who eat when they're hungry. Period. I actually work with 2 people like that. They can have the most delicious meal in front of them, but once they feel satisfied, they just stop eating. OR, they make a chocolate bar last 3 or 4 days, because they just want "a taste". WTF?!?! I just totally and completely don't understand it, but I guess that's because I am NOT that person!

Honestly, I know what I need to do to lose weight, and I know exactly why I am not currently losing anything. My goal is to really get into an exercise routine. Honestly, I don't give a rat's ass what exactly it is I do as long as I am MOVING! So for now...plug away at some "do it at home" DVDs, maybe get to the pool to do aquasize, hopefully get walking once it warms up. IF I can accomplish that, then I just have to let myself loosen up with my eating. Not in that I'll all of a sudden start having chips with a chocolate cake chaser for every meal. Just that I'll eat as much fresh fruit and veggies as I want. I'll make meals with lean proteins and keep an eye on my portion sizes, but just give it a rest with the points deal.

Of course.....this plan can and will only be put into action WHEN I can get off my ass somewhat consistently. Until then....I know it won't work. The question now is WHEN will I make this happen?!

Steady As She Goes

2008-02-19T14:43:00.002-06:00

So, I checked in this Saturday and found that I stayed exactly the same as last week. Whatever. I just cannot get myself motivated and into a weight loss groove. I also find that I'm definately not the only one. So many bloggers out there seem to be struggling along just like me. What is it?? Is it this INSANE weather (-40 celcius when I woke up this morning) that never seems to end? Is it boredom? How can we fix this? I don't know what it is, but each day I find some way to let my rules slide and eat something that is just down right bad for me, my health & my body. I can be totally gung ho at 9am and by 6pm, I've just completely deflated. At the very least I am taking some comfort in the fact that I'm holding steady.

Speaking of the weather...it's just awful. I really wish it would be over already. Of course, here in Manitoba spring is still a couple months away, but I long for some NORMAL winter temperatures already. My kids are driving me batty because they're so stir crazy. Either they're running like mental cases in laps around the house or they're stuck like glue to my side never leaving me alone...even in the bathroom. I feel like a terrible parent but a couple times I've just had to tell them to get away from me. I can't WAIT for summer when I can just shoo them out the door and not be bothered by them for hours!!

Just Keep Swimming...

2008-02-12T14:05:00.000-06:00

I guess so far so good this week? I worked out yesterday, for a whole 20 mins. (insert sarcasm here). I have decided that even if it's just a short burst of exercise, it's better than nothing. I always seem to find a way to weasle out of doing my 2 mile WATP work out and it's mainly because it's 30 minutes long. I know...that's only a 10 minute difference, but when I'm doing it it just seems endless. So, I'm trying this out...I'll do the 1 mile walk (which is 20 mins) as much as I can throughout the week because it really seems easier to get it done. I think that at the end of the week I will find that the total # of minutes I've exercised will end up being higher.

I ate pretty crappy over the weekend though. I have mentioned on here a few times before that after my weigh in, I allow myself to indulge in whatever it was that I was craving throughout the week. Since I've changed my weigh-in day to Saturday though, I find that my rules have kind of extended to Sunday as well which is BAD BAD BAD. I must put the kibosh on that behaviour pronto!!

I went to a baby shower on Sunday and there were a bunch of babies there. I mean wee little tiny ones less than 2 months old when they still have that fuzzy Fraggle Rock hair. Holy cow did my little "baby clock" start thumping away!! Ever since my husband and I decided to try for our third all I can think about is babies!! We've agreed to wait until the spring (since we want to avoid another Christmas-time baby!) and I'm finding the wait a little long. Although...I also need to drop some weight before then. I was really hoping on getting at least 20lbs off, but I can certainly see that I will never accomplish that unless I buckle down.

Is is Spring Yet?

2008-02-09T10:28:00.001-06:00

I think the sickness has left the building. Everyone seems to be healthy and miracle of miracles, I didn't catch the bug. I have a really sore back today though...I hope that's not a sign of sickness to come.

I've gained .4 lbs since my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. Blah. Absolutely didn't eat very well over the last week, but I did make a feeble attempt to exercise, so I guess that helped curb the gain a bit. Gotta get on track. Gotta lose the pounds. We've all heard it all before. I just don't know what it will take to get motivated again like when I first started WW. Above all...what will get me motivated to exercise?!? That's the million dollar question!!

I was flipping through an "O" magazine yesterday and I read the forward or introduction or whatever you want to call it...written by Oprah. She talks about an article in the magazine written by a dietician all about changing your eating habits. Oprah says that the woman preaches that dieters need to be hungry to lose weight. So, then Oprah says we should all skip lunch. Huh?! Since when is skipping meals a proper diet plan? I wonder how many millions of faithful Oprah devotees will now start skipping meals because she said so? Not too smart of a statement in my opinion. I decided to read the article and yup, the dietician says that we should all be going hungry and ignoring our grumbling tummies if we want to drop the pounds. She also says that we should all try an experiment where we eat breakfast and then nothing else for 8 hours so that we can understand the "hunger is not an emergency" and that we can "get over it". Hmmm...does anyone else think this woman is cracked? I realize that for many of use we have to learn to differentiate between actual hunger and just the "feeling" that we need to eat. But is fasting really the way to acheive that? (for those who fast or do cleanses I'm not against them...it's just that I think fasting for the sole purpose of feeling hungry is silly) All I know is that I felt really pissed off after reading it and I remembered why I never read O magazine. Lesson learned.

Today I'm at work and it's Saturday. We're also having a blizzard but here I am. Surprisingly I've even had a couple clients come in today. I figured it would be a ghost town, but I guess not. My husband is also out ice fishing today in the blizzard. Men are dumb sometimes. I'll be anxiously awaiting his phone call to let me know when he gets off the ice.

I guess that's it for now. I hope that next Saturday I can report that I've made some progress!!

MIA

2008-02-06T12:08:00.000-06:00

No weigh in on Saturday. I was at the ER with my oldest son. He's on the mend, turned out to be severe bronchitis (not pneumonia which is what the doctors & I were worried about). Not much time to blog while I'm playing nurse. Be back to update in a few days!

Over and Over

2008-01-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I weighed in on Saturday morning and lost .2lbs. THBBBTT!!! Pretty much a maintain, which bites. But of course I deserved it! I worked out once and once only. And I really only had 5 days OP, rather than 7. What sucks worse is that following the shitty weigh in, I proceeded to eat my way through 3 days!! I had my party on Saturday night and everybody brought yummy snacks. Plus I had MANY sugary/slushy drinks (it was my annual Blender Bender...what can I say??). As if that day wasn't enough, I just kept the snacking going all day Sunday AND into Monday. Yuck. So, I fully expect and deserve a pretty substantial gain this coming week. Oh, and working out? Yeah....not even once. Seriously, I need like an intervention or something. Honestly!! I need to get my act together and make some fucking progress.

In other news...it's insanely cold here. They're predicting tomorrow to be -57 with the wind chill. Just kill me now. Of course it's not my day off tomorrow so I have no choice but to go outside which is obviously the last thing I want to do. Crazy. Oh, and 2 days ago?? It was so nice and mild that we took the boys tobogganing.

I mentioned that I was going to try another recipe from the ESBM cookbook. I did, I made Sticky Chicky. It was just SUPER SUPER GOOD. mmmmm.. The problem was that it was SO good, I couldn't stop eating it lol!! The serving size was 2 thighs with sauce....I think I had four! It's only low fat if you don't eat it in massive quantities!! Very good for those who have better self control than me! There's a corn and smoked turkey chowder in there that I think I'll try over the weekend. Soup just hits the spot when you're hibernating from extreme cold.

Also...TV works when you're hibernating. Damn writers strike!!

Hanging In.

2008-01-23T11:02:00.000-06:00

This morning, the temperature outside read -40. Celcius. Brrrr. I can't wait for this cold snap to be over already! It's too damn cold.

My weigh in on Saturday was fantastic! I'm down 2.2lbs this week. YES! I wasn't really officially counting points last week. I was kind of estimating stuff, but I guess it worked. So far this week I have been paying attention to points more and even measuring some stuff. I haven't done that for a long time. I'm still not officially tracking on paper, which I should be for sure, so hopefully I'll get started doing that again soon. On Monday I did a 2-mile walk, but nothing since then. I'll for sure do some sort of work out on Friday as it's my day off, but I really need to work in another workout here. What I really *should* do is at the very least a 1 mile walk in the evening after the kids are in bed, but I just don't have the motivation in the evening.

I tried 2 new recipies on the weekend from the Eat Shrink.... cookbook. I had one hit all around, it was a veggie & cheese stuffed meatloaf. It had zucchini, peppers, onions, mushrooms and cheese inside, and the meat itself was full of seasonings and yummy. Everyone liked it. The second was a chinese style chicken salad, but it was a lot of work for a pretty average salad. I could've bought a bagged salad mix and bottled sesame dressing and it would have tasted pretty much the same. So, I don't think I'll do that one again. I'm going to try a recipe this weekend for chicken thighs in a sweet barbeque sauce. I hate buying meat for these recipies as we currently have an entire hog, 1/2 a cow and about 15 chickens in our freezer!!! (the in-laws are farmers... our grocery bill thanks them!!) But, the recipe calls for thighs (and I happen to LOVE thighs), so I'll get some!

I'm having a party at my house this weekend. Girls only, I've even kicked my husband and kids out of the house for the night. I'm really looking forward to it. I don't usually plan stuff like this because in the past it usually ends up that nobody can come, or everyone says they "might" be there then no one shows up. This time I've got 10 "for sure's" so I'm super excited. It'll be rowdy!!!!

Huh?

2008-01-16T17:22:00.000-06:00

Okay, so we just had coffee and cake for a co-worker's last day. I didn't have any cake. But I sure wanted to. Yay me!! Also, I've rediscovered herbal teas which I used to drink alot when I was hungry or just feeling that need to eat. I had a cup of cranberry last night. So good! I wonder why I stopped drinking it? I should go out and get couple other flavors.

I've been so busy at work today I haven't had a second to eat my afternoon snack and I'm really quite hungry...plus I haven't planned what the heck we're going to have for supper. I'm hoping my husband left us some of the leftovers from last night (spaghetti with turkey meat sauce) but I doubt it.

The Verdict

2008-01-15T15:06:00.000-06:00

So, I did it. I stepped on the scale on Saturday to finally see what damage the month long holiday food frenzy did. I am officially up 4.8lbs, which is obviously much less than the 10lbs I had estimated! I was pleasantly surprised that it was less than 5lbs and that I'm still firmly in the 240's and didn't bump up over the 250 mark. So...yay. Now the hard part....getting rid of the bastards!!

The husband & kids and I went to the States over the weekend for a little getaway. The kids love hotels and we all made great use of the pool which was nice. We also did a ton of shopping since our Canadian dollar finally makes it worthwhile. I got myself a beautiful 3/4 length dressy winter coat for ....$14.98!!!!!! It was regular $79.99 people! By far the best buy of the trip. I really like it and now I don't feel like the hick I used to when I would go to work in my dressy clothes and ski jacket!! Grocery shopping is one of the big draws for me for cross border shopping. There's so many products that we just can't get in Canada, and some of the products we do get are just ridiculously cheaper in the states. Food shopping wasn't as fun with my husband as it is with my girlfriends though. We spend alot of time checking things out and having fun, he was more in a get it over with kind of mood. Oh well, I still got my case of Diet Cherry Pepsi!! Yum.

Of course, eating over the weekend was horrid what with fast food and hotel room snacks, but that's done with and I am OP. I've finally got the cupboards filled with fruits and vegetables and other yummy healthy stuff.

Question... When I stopped going to WW meetings and started following the program on my own, my daily points allowance was 28. The "new" program they introduced last year uses a different formula to calculate the points allowance, and for me at my current weight it would be 30 pts per day. I've been keeping on using only 28, but do you think I should just go ahead and increase to 30? I guess technically if I started back going to meetings today, they would be telling me to use 30. It just feels weird to up my points for no reason. Opinions?

Also...same old same old, but I've really got to start exercising. I just hate it SO SO SO much!!!! I wish I could just get into a habit with it but I just always talk myself into doing it "tomorrow". I still don't know how to fix that one.

Just Slap Me

2008-01-08T11:28:00.000-06:00

Holy crap do I suck. Don't call me Dee from now on...just call me Mrs. Sucky Suckerton. So, I was to get on plan on Saturday right? Yeah.....WRONG! Not only did I NOT get back on plan, I used the extra time to cook/bake/eat every single delicious thing that I could possibly think of. And then I ate some more. Yuck. I honestly think that whenever I get the balls to step on the scale I'm going to see a 10lb gain. I don't see how it could be any less than that.

That being said, my body and my mind finally screamed ENOUGH...and as of this morning I put down the fork. I feel pretty good about it too. I absolutely will have some ground to make up, probably quite a bit, but this year has to be the year I make progress. I must. Last year I just coasted for the entire year! True, I managed to somewhat maintain the loss, but what a waste of a year! The 2 friends that I joined WW with back in 2005 haven't faired so well. One of them has gained back 30 of the 60lbs she had lost, while the other has gained back 50 of 80lbs lost. I feel so bad for them that they have to "redo" such a large chunk of weight loss, but at the same time it makes me thankful that I didn't backslide quite that much.

I'm going to have to wean myself off Pepsi again as I've been drinking it every day. It's something I really get addicted to and crave. Not coffee or cigarettes, just Pepsi. A couple days of the shakes and I should be good! I also don't have much in the way of WW friendly food in the house right now & no grocery $ until Friday so I'm going to have to be resourceful. Or eat alot of canned soup. Soup we have. I got a new cookbook for Christmas & I flipped through it last night figuring out the points values and writing them down. I would say I want to try a good 60% of the recipies so I'm excited to get cooking. There were some items that would be great for lunches too.

As for goals, very simply I just want to get some of this weight off!! I set goals for myself and I never reach them, so I don't know if I want to get super number specific. For now, I just want to get into the 230's as I haven't broken that barrier yet. I don't know how far I have to go as I have yet to weigh myself to see the damage, but I think that's the only goal I'm going to make for now.

I'm also going to try to keep my main motiviation in my mind at all times. I have decided that I am probably insane, but I want to have another baby. So, I have to lose weight before we will start trying. I want to be healthier and at a lower weight when I was when I started my other 2 pregnancies or I fear I will be back at or above the 290lbs I ended up at 5 months AFTER I had my youngest son. So....a baby. Sounds like a good reason to lose weight. Ultimately, I would like to start trying in May or June, so I have to work hard. I haven't discussed this timeline with my husband yet, so that may get revised!!! Three kids....scary but exciting!

Rescheduled

2008-01-03T17:23:00.001-06:00

So...no time today I'm afraid. But my next post is coming, I promise.

Hospital Happenings

2008-01-02T15:31:00.000-06:00

Hello to anyone who hasn't given up on me yet!!! Here I am, finally back. This is the first day I've had access to the Internet in over 2 weeks....I tell ya...I had jitters already!!

So, surgery is finished with and I'm almost back to normal. Still a little incision pain but not too bad anymore. I was in WICKED pain for the first few days though, definitely a tougher recovery than I was led to believe!! Also, the MOST TERRIFYING thing happened to me during surgery...well, before surgery. I'm not being sarcastic at all, it was singularly the most frightening event ever in my life. Apparently, while you're getting your general anesthetic, you're also being given a drug that temporarily paralyses your respiratory system so you stop breathing which makes it easy for them to get the breathing tube inserted. (something I found out after the surgery). Well, I guess they're going to have to try elephant tranquilizers on me next time because I was still fully awake when I stopped breathing. Let me tell you....I FREAKED out. I thought I must be having some sort of reaction and I honestly thought I was going to die. I started flailing around and all the nurse & anesthesiologist were doing was trying to hold me onto the table. They just yelled at me "you're okay!" over and over again. I vividly remember trying to talk to tell them that I couldn't breathe but of course I couldn't. In my head I was screaming because I thought they couldn't tell. In my peripheral vision I saw things flying off my arms, and I knocked something over. The last thing I remember before they finally managed to get me unconscious was grabbing the nurse's arm HARD and yanking her down so her face was in front of mine. Then, nothing.....finally. So scary. When I woke up I think I was still in a panic because I couldn't catch my breath and felt like I had just run a marathon. For the next 2 days, my entire body ached as though I had been hit by a truck. I could hardly lift my legs to get out of bed and every breath hurt all the muscles in my back. Just awful. So...make a note to yourselves. If you have to have surgery, make sure to tell them to make SURE that you are actually OUT before they do anything else!!! I'm so glad it's over with.

My Christmas was very nice, the kids were absolutely precious when they discovered Santa came. I wish they would believe in Santa forever. By Christmas I was feeling not too bad, but I had to wear sweatpants to all my gatherings so I felt like an idiot! Oh well. It just meant I could eat more!! And eat I certainly did! Basically, I have been eating constantly since my birthday on Dec 12 without any thought as to what I'm eating. Except when I've been thinking about what to eat next. It's been really insane, I have no excuses at all. I took my surgery and Christmas and made them into a reason to eat whatever I wanted and ran with it. Also, I don't feel a damn bit guilty. It is what it is. I'm back on plan in a big way as of this Saturday, Jan 5th. I should be starting today like everyone else in the world, but I guess I'm a rebel. lol. I'm not going to weigh myself until I've been on plan for 1 week so I won't shock myself into a heart attack. So, first weigh in on Jan 12. I promise. More on weight loss goals tomorrow and our shitty shitty New Year's tomorrow. I bet you can't wait!!

ps... I spelled anesthesiologist correctly all by myself! I'm so proud!

Off & Away

2007-12-17T14:26:00.000-06:00

Well, tomorrow is the day I say goodbye & good riddance to my gall bladder! Finally! As I will be in the hospital and then at home recuperating, I won't have access to a computer for awhile. So, don't forget about me as I will be back!! I'll need your support again once I'm feeling better and I'm back on the WW wagon to DEFINATELY make some progress in 2008!!!

Happy holidays to you all!

Over it.

2007-12-13T14:12:00.000-06:00

So, I'm over my fury of yesterday's birthday present! Thanks to all who commented!! I opened the card and read it again and realised that he picked out a very beautiful, romantic card, which he never does. He even put "xoxo" after his name, which is very mushy for him! He came home from work actually a little miffed at me since I didn't appreciate the present. I told him I do appreciate it, but that it would be more meaningful if he put some thought into actually picking something out for me. He said he thought this way I could get exactly what I wanted and I wouldn't have to be returning his poor choice!! Men!! Oh well, it's all good now, but in reality I'll probably end up spending that money on household stuff.

As for weight loss....what's that? Christ, I honestly have been eating crap all week long, without any thought as to calories or fat or WW at all. Why? I don't know. I have a total of 3 functions this week and I guess I just went into "awww, screw it" mode. I guess I can look forward to surgery next week to hopefully put a stop to that!! Just when I finally made it past that 244. I weighed 244 on AUGUST 1ST people!! August, that's almost 5 months ago! Yeah...I suck at this! lol! Oh well.... At least it's not up from there right!?

Happy Birthday?

2007-12-12T10:28:00.000-06:00

It's my birthday today, and I'm in a mood. My DH gave me money and I'm not happy about that. He did this a few years back too which left me in tears and either he's completely forgotten about that, or he doesn't care. My issue is that I just want him to put some thought into it, just some! If he bought me a gift certificate for a store that I like, that would be better than money. If he bought me a pair of $20 earrings that he thought I would like, then included money for the rest of the gift, that would be better. If he bought me flowers & also gave me money, I'd be fine. But just stuffing some cash into a card leaves me feeling really unhappy. Am I being unreasonable? I just know that the money he gave me to "buy something nice for yourself" (which is what he wrote in the card by the way), will go to put gas in my car and buy milk and toilet paper or something on a day that I'm stuck for cash. As for buying something for myself? Uh yeah....when exactly should I do that when I've permanently got 2 kids in tow? GRRRRRR. Not happy today at all.

I weighed in on Saturday, and lost a pound. I was very pleased. However, I've been eating like a fiend ever since then, so I've pretty much fucked that up.

I think that's it for now, I'm in too much a foul mood.

Like the Turtle...

2007-12-04T10:31:00.000-06:00

Slow and steady wins the race. I have to keep that thought in my head. I'm down again this week. WOO HOO!! Down .8lbs. It could have been better for sure since I didn't exercise even once last week and I spent time "tasting" snacks left over from my son's birthday party. So, I'm happy with the loss and hope next week to lose at least one pound (or more!). Of course, I have my company Christmas party this Saturday...yikes!

I finally finally got my surgery date last week. I've been waiting a long time (have to have my gall bladder removed). I'm getting it done on December 18th. It kind of sucks that it's right before Christmas, but my surgeon thinks I'll be feeling pretty much back to normal by then. Also, as a result of the time off I need for the surgery and the holidays & my part-time work schedule, I'm off from the 18th, until January 2nd! Wow! A holiday for me! It seems as though my body has taken this opportunity to prove to me just how badly I need the surgery. My attacks are very intensely painful and last for hours. My saving grace has been that the attacks are few and far between, maybe once every 4 to 6 weeks. I've had 5 attacks in the last month, which is entirely unheard of. Three of them have been since I found out about the surgery last week. Bizarre huh? I had one last week that left me trembling & moaning on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. What does my husband do? He gets up to check on me, which was nice, but then he rubs my back for about 30 seconds, puts a glass of water next to me on the floor and goes back to bed!! How's that for sympathy. I honestly needed to go to the hospital, but I couldn't even talk never mind get up off the floor. Men.

I had an attack on Saturday, which wasn't a really severe one but painful nonetheless. I felt cheated, because on Saturday after I weigh in I generally have some sort of "treat" that I don't allow myself during the week. I guess it's my cheat meal. I'll have whatever I've been craving that week to get it out of my system. I couldn't have it since I was having an attack, so what do I do on Sunday? I eat it, and throw my body into another attack. Call me stupid...I sure did. So anyway....I'm really looking forward to the surgery and getting better.

Back to weight loss....I've already worked out once this week, and I'm aiming for twice more. I really would like to see this loss pattern continue for once!

Meme for me!

2007-11-28T14:48:00.000-06:00

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?
1. Produce: apples, oranges & bananas (staples at my house)
2. Bakery: rye bread
3. Meat: pork chops
4. Frozen: peas
5. Dairy: sugar free pudding

If I was to listen in on your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. Sweetie?
2. Hey!
3. Don't do that!
4. Stop it right now!
5. Do you have to pee? (last four are kid related...can you tell?!)

So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?
1. take a shower
2. have some alone time, probably watching TV
3. eat

We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. napping....#1, hands down!
2. laundry
3. reading
4. mopping the floor
5. watching tv...WAIT, I mean working out! lol

We are going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. monkeys
2. raccoons
3. bears

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?
1. Ellen Degeneres
2. David Letterman
3. Saturday Night Live
4. Jerry Springer (pure entertainment isn't it?)

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
1. Cherry Garcia
2. Pistachio
3. Vanilla

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. Carmex
2. gum
3. keys
4. 5 different lip glosses
5. bandaids

You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
1. Rock Star!
2. Actor
3. Marine Biologist
4. Archaeologist

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
1. You are SO not fat!!
2. You will get a boyfriend & you will get married, he's out there!
3. Take the university entry classes.....you'll wish you had later!
4. He's not worth it...you'll get over him, I promise.

Right On

2007-11-27T14:36:00.000-06:00

So.....I weighed in on Saturday morning as planned and I was pleased to see that I had lost .8lbs. Back down to a total loss of 45lbs even....again. This is probably the 5th or 6th time I've hit that milestone!! Well, at least I keep hitting it right?! I'm really happy about this loss even though it's a little one because the weekend prior I was NOT very well behaved, and again it involved alcohol. Oops. Honestly, I don't often go out and get plastered, but I guess....tis the season!! Good news is that this weekend I don't have anything going on, and since I'm going to be studying for an exam I'm writing next week, there won't be any booze involved. Now, let's hope I can avoid stress eating! Of course, the next 2 coming weekends following I have Christmas functions on both Friday & Saturday. Tough times! (hee hee)

This past weekend my DS turned 5 years old. Holy cow...time flies. Anyway, we had a big party for him on Sunday (cuz it's a big birthday!) and I didn't restrain myself as much as I should have. I managed to talk myself into an extra piece of pizza and chips & dip because hey...it's Sunday...it's only day 1 of my week. I'll be able to work this off by next Saturday! Hmmm....I see this becoming a pattern in the future. Hopefully now that I've noticed it I can put the kibosh on that behaviour!!

Very stressed lately about Christmas & the lack of cash flow in our house. Every day I'm calculating this or that & wondering where I'm going to get the $ to pay for things. It doesn't help that my husband is obsessed with finishing the build of our attached garage. We have the foundation, pad & footing for the walls poured & he wants to blaze ahead getting the walls & roof done (he's doing the buildng himself). Every other day I'm reminding him of all the bills we need to clear up & Christmas is coming etc etc etc...but he constantly has reasons why he should go ahead. Grrrrr....men.

Not Too Shabby

2007-11-20T13:33:00.001-06:00

So I went ahead and decided to change my weigh in day to Saturday. I checked in on Saturday morning and found I had lost 1.2lbs! WOW! Keep in mind, that was only from Tuesday to Saturday, not even a full week. I'm thankful because I definately needed to make a dent in that 3lb gain from last week.

One thing I'm worried about with the Saturday weigh in is my exercise though. I generally do my work outs on Friday through Monday. My husband works shifts and isn't usually home in the evening & on the days that I'm working & he's gone I just don't have time/energy in the evening to do it. So, my worry is that if I'm working out on Friday (day before weigh in), will it make any difference? If my next workouts are say, Sunday & Monday isn't that kind of far away from my weigh in day...will it help as much? I guess I'm worried my exercise routine is going to be both too close and too far away from scale day. Maybe I'm over thinking it.

I'm proud of myself this week because I was very proactive with planning ahead. I made a mexican rice casserole on Friday night when my husband was not home. It doesn't have any meat in it and I sure would have heard complaints about that!! My kids liked it though. I divided the leftovers into 4 measured servings & put them in my freezer. Then yesterday I made a pasta salad with chicken breast (I got the recipe off Kraft Canada website). I had it for lunch, left some in a bowl for DH & put 2 servings into containers in the fridge. Voila!! Six lunches are all ready to grab and go! You have no idea how good that makes me feel!

That's it for today!

Ch Ch Changes

2007-11-15T11:49:00.000-06:00

I'm thinking I'm going to change my weigh in day to Saturday. It seems that my week usually goes haywire when I have a fuction on the weekend. I usually end up using all my flex (or more than) in that one day and it still shows on the scale on Tuesday. Maybe by changing my weigh in to Saturday I'll have better results since that will give me a full week of "good" behaviour to help with any bad weekend choices. Anyone else doing this? Did it help?

Also, I'm getting tired of the 2 mile WATP, I'd like to be able to rotate it with another work out at home DVD. I need suggestions. Keep in mind...I'm pretty overweight, just beginning to get into a workout routine, and I HATE exercise. It needs to be pretty easy (if it's too tough I'll just quit & won't do it) but still get my heartrate up of course, and not too long. Once again, if it's too long I'll just quit halfway through. Let's hear from you!!

One Step Back

2007-11-13T09:50:00.000-06:00

Okay, I had a really good time on the weekend, and now I'm paying for it. I went out with the girls to a social and I drank a wee bit (read: lots). Once my ability to reason was gone, I ended up having pizza, then later... eggs benedict. At 3am. Not such a stellar choice huh? It was DAMN good though! I remember this happening a couple of other times. For some reason, drunk Dee *needs* to have eggs benedict. Like, I'll die without it or something!!

So, I'm up 3 lbs!! Yikes. Talk about a slap in the face. Honestly, I do feel bummed...I had finally made some progress last week. But on the other hand, I realize that some of it is not "true" weight...it's water retention etc. Also, I'm not going to feel bad about something when I knew damn well what the outcome was going to be.

The good new is...

1) after my crazy night...I did not give up the next day on the basis that I had already *ruined* my week. I just kept on plugging along.

2) The Halloween candy is pretty much gone. At least the good stuff is, and in a few more days it will be all gone. So that's definately a good thing!!

3) I'm still determined that I'm going to keep going. Maybe I won't make my Christmas goal, but I'll make it at some point.

4) I'm determined to keep up with the exercise. I HATE it with a passion and I have to talk myself into doing it each and every time. But I feel proud of myself once I've done it. Maybe someday it won't be as much of a struggle to get it done.

That's it for today. I'm really enjoying that I'm NOT berating myself endlessly for my results this week. It's refreshing!

Can Someone Tattoo It On My Forehead?

2007-11-07T17:00:00.000-06:00

I know I just posted about this very very recently. I know it and you know it. I remember writing about how the circumstance really showed me how I need to plan ahead. So I did. Until today. DUH!!!

Okay, remember the day I drove all over town trying to find something for lunch when I forgot to pack a lunch? Remember that I bought a dusty can of non-yummy soup from a convenience store for way too much money and I was starving all day? Yeah well....this morning I slept in. Now, I had sort of preplanned last night....meaning I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed so I *planned* that I would just take a can of soup to work the next day rather than making something.

I had just bought a few kinds of new soup on my last trip to the grocery store, so this morning being so late I just grabbed one that looked good. This one was actually was yummy. So yummy that I thought I had found a really great new quick lunch find. Yeah, until I figured out the points.

7 POINTS!!! FOR SOUP!?!?!

Even for yummy soup, that's totally not worth it. And now, I'm starving. And....I haven't planned what to have for supper. And the work day is almost over. Damn.

Better Frame of Mind

2007-11-06T11:12:00.000-06:00

So, my week was okay. Not stellar. I had a bit of a love affair with the Halloween candy on the 31st. I decided that it was going to be super tough to avoid it, so I thought I would just have some and get it out of my system. I had some alright....too much. Throughout the week I had a few pieces of candy everyday. Nothing major, just something bite sized, but I still had some everyday. Other than that my eating was pretty good. I completely avoided the pile of Halloween chips that the boys got. Chips are pretty tough for me so I'm not sure why I was able to avoid them but not the chocolate and other candy. Weird. I guess it was easier to convince myself that something bite sized was no big deal, while opening a bag of chips was. Whatever....I'm just glad. I also managed to work out twice, but I had vowed that 3 times a week was going to be my minimum. I had to absolutely force myself those two times.

So, my weigh in today showed a loss of (drumroll...) 2.4lbs!!!!!! SAY WHAT?!!!!!

Color me thrilled!!! I couldn't believe it! I was actually just hoping that it wouldn't be too much of a gain. Wow. Very awesome. There were a few times in the last couple of days when I was just going to give in to the candy and chips and give up because I thought for sure I had already blown it for the week. Thank god I didn't!!!!

In retrospect, last week I was on the verge of TOM so I'm damn sure that had something to do with having such a tiny loss when I expected more. I wish I had figured that out last week though, it would have saved me beating myself up.

So, now I have 6.2lbs to go to make my Christmas goal. And this weekend I'm going to be out with the girls. This will be extremely tough!!

Good Grief!!

2007-10-30T11:16:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty pissed this morning. I only lost .4 lbs this week. Is this all because of those goddamn donuts?!?! I KNOW I shouldn't have eaten them, but I thought I did a good job of damage control afterwards. I worked out 3 times this week!! I haven't been working out at all, shouldn't that count for something? GRRRRRR!

Now I have to lose a at least 1.15 lbs each week in order to reach my Christmas goal. Sure, in theory that's absolutely possible, but my track record shows otherwise. I did really well this week and I still couldn't make any progress. Damn it. I really, really, really want to get there already. Plus, I know that I have 2 functions coming up in November that are quite likely going to produce gains. I know, I know, I shouldn't think like that and I should be determined to "be good" at those events, but I just know I won't. I want to have fun & enjoy myself. (by the way, it's not the food that I'll get into, but the drink!) I was hoping I'd be farther ahead by now so that a small backslide wouldn't hinder my overall progress. The way it's going now, a backslide will pretty much cement me NOT reaching my goal. HELP!!

Temptation

2007-10-27T15:05:00.000-05:00

Grrr....sabotage I say!! My mom came over yesterday to vist. She brought donuts and mocha lattes. A dozen donuts actually. I love pastry and baked goods....like....LOVE them. It was completely and totally physically impossible for me to avoid eating a donut. Impossible. Now, my mom of course didn't do this on purpose. It's been a few months since I've actually mentioned anything about my weight loss attempts or WW, and I'm damn sure she can tell I haven't lost any more weight so she probably isn't even aware that I'm trying. (my weight and weight loss is kind of issue between us...so it's not something we would generally talk about unless she asked).

At the end of the day I had two donuts. Okay, 2 1/2. In all honesty, that's quite an accomplishment. I actually worked the evil wheels of goodness into my day by having a super low point lunch (only 4pts), skipped afternoon snack, measured each little bit of my supper and just had grapes for my evening snack. Of course, I still used flex points but wow, was it ever better than it could have been! I also did a 2 mile walk.

I checked my weight this morning, and I'm exactly the same as I was on Tuesday which is fantastic to me! That means I've still got 3 days to work on getting a loss in and I plan do more exercise.

Stall

2007-10-24T13:11:00.001-05:00

So, I did pretty sucky this week. Didn't exercise, even once. I have excuses, although I'm not sure any of them are good enough. I had a headache that just wouldn't quit, I'd had it over a week. On Wednesday it was just plain hurting...I did not want to start bouncing around. (excuse #1) Thurdsay night I took my heavy duty meds, which knock me out and kept me really bleary and tired all day on Friday (excuse #2). Saturday I was out most of the day, then sick. (excuse #3) After that I am all out of excuses....I just didn't do it.

The result, I've gained .2lbs. Not much and I'm glad for that, but when I'm on such a tight schedule to get over 50lbs lost by Christmas it's a blow. Now I have to work that much harder.

My eating was not stellar either. On Thursday night I went for dinner at mom's as my Aunt & Uncle who live out of province were visiting and I'm lucky if I see them once a year. There was wine, which resulted in my having too many mini cream puffs. Saturday I went for breakfast at my friends cabin, which was really delicious. She made this breakfast casserole with eggs, cheese, hashbrowns, sausage and more cheese. Yum. This breakfast resulted in my gall stone attack later that evening. It was a really really bad one, and I haven't actually had an attack in quite awhile. I vomited about every 15 to 20 minutes for a good 3 hour stretch. Otherwise, I was just in agony for the other 4 hours. Terrible. This caused me to be ravenous all day on Sunday so I ate and ate. Nothing TOO terrible, but just too much. I was constantly grazing. By Monday I had just given up already.

Bad week. I just need to buckle down this week. I know that. I MUST exercise, it's the key here I know!!!

Oops

2007-10-17T15:16:00.000-05:00

I made a mistake today. I didn't bring enough food with me to work! I'm STARVING and I have 2 more hours to go. Sigh. That's what I get for fiddling too damn long with my hair this morning!! I just had a cup of tea, I hope that will help my belly feel full.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and I bought ingredients for 2 new recipies. One of them is for a tortellini soup, which I got off someone's blog but I can't remember who! It sounds yummy and filling, but am I the only one who has a hard time with the idea of having soup for supper? To me, it's a lunch thing, but I'm going to make it for supper tomorrow. I hope it's satisfying enough.

I took care of 2 more Christmas presents today, I'm trying SO hard to get started now so I don't have to spend so much money all at once....and so much time too! I'm usually doing the bulk of my shopping in the last couple weeks and cursing myself for not getting it together sooner. This year is the year I get organized!!

And We're Off....

2007-10-16T13:17:00.000-05:00

Okay...so I actually made a pretty good start to this Christmas goal thing. I weighed in today at 246.8, which means I am down 2.4lbs from last week! Not too shabby! Of course, last weeks weight was probably elevated (salt intake & such) since I was just coming off Thanksgiving weekend, but I'm VERY happy with the numbers.

I did manage to get off my ass, I did the 2 mile walk (WATP) and I vowed to do it twice more during the week but didn't. To be honest though, just doing it once was a good start, I haven't been exercising at all for months. Also, yesterday I went on a cleaning frenzy at home. I barely sat down all day and I was certainly sweating at many points....so I'm counting that as activity too. I think if I can bump up the activity a bit more next week, and be at least as good with my eating as I was this week (if not better) then I should be able to lose next week too.

I've decided to make a firm goal of 238 by Christmas just so it's not wishy washy. So, starting from today I have about 9 1/2 weeks (cuz I ain't going to be weighing in on Christmas morning!!). I do my regular weigh in on the Tuesday before Christmas, then again in the morning on Christmas Eve (cuz that's when the food starts rolling out!). So that's the dealine...December 24th. I have to lose about .9lbs per week to reach that goal. Manageable yes....but hopefully I can get a few losses OVER 1lb so that I can have couple smaller loss weeks in there to allow for Christmas parties!

I took my son to see Ratatouille on the weekend. What a great movie! I loved it and so did he. He barely even remembered to eat his popcorn because he was glued to the screen! And to answer the unspoken question...yes, I did have movie theater popcorn. Gasp!! Sorry, I don't have it in me to go the movies and not have any.

I guess that's it for today!

Hangover

2007-10-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

I'm feelin' it. I have a food hangover for sure. I feel gross. This past weekend was Thanksgiving up here in Canada. I pretty well ate for 4 days. Anything and everything I wanted, which included pie, ice cream and lots of fresh buns and butter. (I have a real thing for butter...I wish we could get married) It was a frenzy of food and I'm definately paying the price! I weighed myself today and that devil device is showing a nice 3.2 lb gain. Ouch. I've really GOT to do something about this damn yo-yo effect.

So, I've really decided to kick things into high gear and make some progress by Christmas. By progress, I mean getting off what I've gained the past couple months and get past it. I would love to get solidly into the 230's before Christmas. If I could get around 237/238 I would have a good shot of staying in the 230's over the holidays as I'd have a couple lbs to play with. Yes, I realize that's 10lbs in around 2 months. For the "good" dieter, that's probably totally attainable. For me....it seems like I'm reaching for the stars. But, if I don't reach for something I'll never get anywhere. Right?

Happy Humpday!

2007-10-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I used that title. I hate that term....humpday. Oh well. I'm up again this week! .6lbs Once again...oh well. I was up to no good over the weekend. I went in a poker derby on Saturday with my oldest son. For those who aren't familiar, it's a quad derby...you ride quads to 5 different checkstops, taking a designated trail, draw a card at each stop, and at the end of the day you have a poker hand. Best hand wins 50% of the pot which is usually $500 or more depending on the turnout. It's a fundraiser for the community. There is usually anywhere from 500 to 1000 quads that register, it's a TON of fun, and takes all day. Anyhoo.....I ate hotdogs & chips on the trail, oh & chocolate. Then in the evening we went to a fall supper, (another fundraiser), which is just vast amounts of homemade goodness and let me tell you...my plate was full.

On Sunday, my husband and I participated in a golf tournament put on by his work. Neither of us are golfers by any means, but it's fun. My DH won the BIG prize, gift certificates to Best Buy....so we're going on a shopping spree soon!! I told him we're getting a camcorder, we've been talking about getting one since we had kids but have never gotten around to it. I'm excited that we'll be able to document Christmas morning this year!

I'm a TV addict. Always have been, always will be. I'm very excited that the fall TV season is finally here!! I'm finally able to get my fix of Grey's, ER, Desperate Housewives, Heroes & America's Next Top Model. I'm most looking forward to Lost coming back. And of course, I've been checking out new shows to add to my "schedule" lol! So far, I'm definately going to be watching "Dirty Sexy Money", (I love Peter Krause....Six Feet Under rocked!), and also I really liked Reaper, and Chuck. I'm going to take a pass on Big Ones...didn't do it for me, and Bionic Woman...not so much. What new shows are you watching?

The Runaround

2007-09-27T16:21:00.000-05:00

I literally spent my entire lunch hour searching for something to eat! This morning I ran out of time to pack something for lunch. I grabbed my usual snacks and threw them in my purse (apple, orange, granola bar), but I didn't have anything of substance. I knew I had to run to the store at lunch to pick up a kids gift so I thought I'll just grab something there. Which I did, a Lean Cuisine frozen pizza. For 6 points it looked good. I got back to work (after I had to wait 10 minutes at the register for them to track down a price for the damn thing) I open the box and I can immediately tell it had thawed at some point & been frozen again. all the topping was kind of heaped up on one edge of the pizza and the crust was bare. No sauce, nothing. DAMN.

So, I open & kind of scrape the topping around with a fork, which is hard because it's frozen, but it works not too bad & I pop it in the microwave. Two minutes later it comes out hard as a hockey puck with the topping completely fried into hard little lumps of grossness. Inedible. I throw it in the garbage. I've got about 10 minutes before I have to be at daycare to pickup my son & take him to school. Subway is just down the street, I bolt out to my car & arrive at Subway with 5 minutes to get my sub. I go inside, and the line up is crazy, at least 15 people...so I leave. I refuse to go through the drive-thru which at this point seems like the best option.

I start heading to daycare...oh! There's a convenience store! Maybe they have something. I go inside and think, okay I'll grab a sandwich. Can't be TOO bad right? They have some pita's, the one I see is roast chicken & grilled vegtables. Looks good. I flip it over for the NI....910 calories 17 grams of fat. WTF!!!!!! What did they do? Inject the chicken with LARD? So, I put it back. In the end I grabbed a can of Chunky soup, which I paid $3.79 for. I picked up the kid, brought him to school, got back to work, heated up my soup and poured it down my throat as I'm now late back to work. I worked it out to be 5 points. Not worth it for soup in my opinion.

Now....I'm starving.

I guess the moral of my story is....pack your lunch the night before!!!

Insert Title Here

2007-09-26T16:07:00.000-05:00

So, I'm down a tiny bit this week, which sucks. I lost .4 down to 245.4. I checked my Spark People graph (which is cool by the way). At the beginning of August, I weighed 244. GRRRR. I'm not making a whole lot of progress am I? I must, must, must get off my ass and exercise. I know that. I realize that I'm going to continue to lose and gain the same few pounds if I don't get more active, but at the end of each and every day I just don't do it. Why? Because I'm lazy! lol

Well, all I can do is say this week will be the week that I start. I've been thinking about trying to get to an aquasize class. I thought, at least then I'd be moving, and I love to swim so maybe I'd be more inclined to go. Then I watched this weight loss show here in Canada and the trainer on there basically laughed at the poor woman who said she wanted to get fit enough to be an aqua fit instructor. So, of course then I second guessed myself. Any opinions?

I guess I'll try to get back to my walking DVDs, but I'm getting to be tired of them already! My dream is to have a treadmill. I know I could get on it, watch one of my evening shows and walk away. Too bad they're so damn expensive!!

So, anyway..

2007-09-19T16:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah so, did I totally rock it this week or what?! I'm very happy with myself. AND...I actually went to a baby shower on Saturday. Showers serve my favorite kind of food. Appetizers!! Yum Yum. I tried some of everything I wanted to try, then loaded up my second plate with fruit only. I didn't feel deprived at all. I even had a nanaimo bar! That evening I skipped supper because I was still pretty full, then I had a more substantial snack later in the evening. The next day I stuck strictly to my daily points only and drank lots of water. Wow, did that ever work!! I'm really pumped. Now if only I could get the urge to exercise!!

I've been pretty exhausted these last couple weeks. I'm doing so much damn running around it's stupid and it ain't gonna be over anytime soon! My schedule on the days I work is crazy. Get up, get the kids dressed/fed/washed, drive them to daycare & drop them off, go to work. At lunch time leave work, go to daycare pick up one of them, drive him to school, walk him INTO school, drop him off, go back to work. At 3:30 leave work, drive to school, go into school pick up the kid, drive him back to daycare, drop him off then go back to work. At the end of the day, leave work, go to daycare, pick up the kids and FINALLY drive home. That's one hell of a lot of in and out of the vehicle. WAY too much.

Life is nuts sometimes isn't it? I'm really hoping that I get some exercise in this week as my goal is to lose at least 1lb next week. I really need some new recipies.

WOOHOO!

2007-09-18T16:23:00.001-05:00

I lost 3 lbs!! I lost 3 lbs!!!! More tomorrow!

Will I Never Learn!!!

2007-09-12T10:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, the big work shindig was great. I had SO much fun. I also ate SO much food and drank SO much alcohol!! I weighed myself yesterday, dropped an F-bomb and banged my head against the wall. I'm up a nice even 2lbs this week!! How nice for me huh? I blame the party, I blame my period, I blame Bacardi, but mostly I just blame my stupid old self. Oh well, back at it this week!!

It's DAMN cold here this week, I can smell winter in the air which is just stupid because it should barely be fall yet! I'm rebelling though and I'm wearing strappy sandals today. My toes are freezing.

The first day of school has finally come and gone. The first day went worse than expected as my poor kid cried and didn't want me to leave. Not wailing sobbing or anything, but the kind of crying where the tears just leak out and you can see he's seriously trying not to cry but he's just so damn sad he can't help it. The only other time in his life that he's ever cried like that is when we had to have a talk about death and what it means. It broke my heart. I managed not to cry and as soon as I got home I went insane baking cookies because I figured he NEEDED homemade cookies when he got home. (oh yeah, I forgot about how many of those I "tasted"). The next day I had to send him off on the bus which went like a breeze. He was so excited about the damn school bus he practically bounced his way up the stairs, grabbed a seat and his huge grinning face peeked out the window as he was waving goodbye. MUCH better. He seems to be settling into things now. Let's see if I can settle into this weight loss thing!

Little help?

2007-09-06T10:07:00.000-05:00

I received a super suggestion about my corn on the cob habit. I practically slapped my forehead about it when I read it. Use the spray butter dummy!!! So, I need suggestions. I have the Becel spray and I pretty much hate it. I think it tastes "chemically" or something. I've tasted the I Can't Believe It's not..... and I liked it but us poor Canadians aren't allowed to have it for some reason! What kind of sprays do you guys use & like?

I've got a headache today grrr..... I honestly think I've gotten myself pretty stressed out about this school event. We have to go meet the kindergarten teacher this afternoon and bring all of our school supplies. I just about had a fit last night when I ran out of tape because I couldn't finish putting wrapping paper on the shoebox!! (for a picture box? It's foreign to me but I'm just doing what the list says!) I think it'll be even worse the first day I have to send him off on the bus. He's only 4!! I know it'll be okay, but I can't help it. At this point, it'll be better just to get it all over with.

I've got a work function this weekend. A BBQ at the bosses cabin. Beer & food will flow freely. Another challenge....here's hoping I can keep things reigned in!

Still at it

2007-09-04T10:45:00.000-05:00

I'm back....and no I haven't fallen off the wagon! Thank goodness. I've just been on the run quite a bit this past week. Today is the dreaded weigh in day and I have lost .8lbs. I SO wish it had been at least an even pound, but at least it's down.

I'm actually quite happy with it since I was faced with MANY challenges over the weekend. I know for lots of us, being away from home and at the "mercy" of someone else's cooking is quite a challenge, and that's what I was faced with. Friday all day was spent at the zoo with my kids, a friend and her kids. We brought a lunch so that was already a good choice for me, normally I would've bought something from the super overpriced restaurant. We split duties though, so I brought fruit, pickles and cheese, while she brought sandwiches and rice krispy bars. So, challenge #1 was to only have 1/2 of the delicious ham/cheese/mayo/white bread sandwiches. Though I have to admit, I did have more cheese than I should have. I also passed up the chips later in the afternoon & had an apple instead. I also did not get in enough water that day, bad me.

That evening the boys & I slept over at my mom's and she made a stuffed pork roast for dinner. Super good, but I restrained myself and only had a small serving. The next morning we headed out to the farmer's market. I got fresh potatoes, corn, green beans, carrots and swiss chard. I wanted to buy a homemade pie SO SO SO badly, but I didn't. Again, this day I didn't drink near enough water. When we finally got home I was so tired, I put the boys down for a nap and I crawled into my own bed and had a nap too!!

Sunday morning my husband decided to take us all out for breakfast which is my most favorite meal to eat in a restaurant. While I ordered what I truly wanted, not what was WW friendly, I think I was successful because I only ate 1/2 my home fries and 1/2 a slice of toast, rather than the 2 whole pieces that came with my meal.

The whole weekend we ate fresh veggies which were SO delicious!! We had corn on the cob at every meal, which means I had more butter than I should have, but how on earth does a person eat corn on the cob without butter?!?! To try to make up for that I only had veggies & meat at supper for 3 nights. I always make potatoes/pasta/rice with supper but I skipped them since I was having the butter.

LONG LONG story short, I'm happy with my little loss as I realized I can have a weekend where everything is not planned in advance, where I just go with the flow and I can make good choices and compromises and I can still lose. I'm content with that.